My Home
by gigi2690
Summary: Olivia Returns after her UnderCover op. to a strange woman with her partner and to learn that Zapata is dead. Bringing Alex home, however, is a lot more complicated than it seems...and it starts at a psyche ward in Tacoma, Washington. Slash...beware lol
1. Chapter 1

Olivia felt the breath knocked from her lungs as she saw her desk. A woman was sitting in her desk. Her desk. Light slowly dawned on her sleep idled brain, her replacement. At that very moment Elliot strode over and put his arm on the back of her chair leaning over her replacement. They were standing extremely close, Olivia could faintly see the air of familiarity one has when they have already crossed the first sexual barrier. In lamest terms, Elliot had been messing around with his temp partner.

She was surprised that she wasn't more disturbed by this revelation. There had always been something indescribable between the two of them, but perhaps it wasn't sexual. She was much more perturbed that some foreigner was in her chair, doing the work that should be hers. Just because she didn't want Elliot physically didn't mean she wanted to share him. Liv stood there in the doorway for a few minutes as if caught up in some rip in time. If she crossed over the threshold she would be hurled back into that world. The injustices, the fights with Elliot, the sheer darkness that threatened to blacken her soul everyday.

Slowly Olivia leaned her head against the doorframe. She never realized how hard it would be to go home. Home. She hadn't been truly home since she was in the embrace of a certain blond with dazzling blue orbs. Letting out a sigh Liv ran her hands through her hair. Taking in a deep breath she took the first step into the room. Olivia swore the floor must have been booby trapped because as soon as her shoe touched the ground both Elliot and Elliot's plaything looked up. She halted for just a second, deer in headlights, before scolding her middle school mentality and walking up to the pair. Elliot didn't move from behind the chair, nor did he remove his hand from said plaything's shoulder. Liv held back the snort, if this was his idea of trying to make her jealous he was outta luck.

"Hi I'm Detective Olivia Benson." Olivia noted the firm handshake. Also the tangled mess one might call hair, so unlike her love's. The woman had a thrown together look and an unprofessional air about her. Everything seemed so contradictory to Alex. The only thing they had in common was the small hollow in their necks. Olivia was lost in a second as she remembered the taste of it, champagne and pomegranate, bitter rich and sweet all rolled into one. The silky smooth texture…She could almost feel it, it was like a ghost, tangible enough to acknowledge and drive you mad but not enough to satisfy. God it had been far too long since she had been laid. Even longer since she had been satisfied. Once you get your first taste of Alex you never go back. She was the most intoxicatingly beautiful woman she had ever been with…hell most gorgeous person of any gender she had ever seen.

"Detective Dani Beck." Liv focused on the woman in front of her once more. The response was polite but slightly crisp, as if she was impeding on them. It wasn't like she had walked into a private interaction; they were in the middle of the precinct, crowded over HER desk. A thought suddenly struck Olivia, was it still her desk? A loud voice boomed through the precinct,

"Benson in my Office." It was Cragen.


	2. Chapter 2

Slowly Olivia sauntered over to Cragen's office trying not to feel like child summoned to the Principal's office. Cragen was already waiting inside, he seemed ill at ease. Olivia paused at the doorway, duly noting that it seemed to be becoming a habit. Cragen looked up, his face was unreadable, Liv wasn't sure if it was because of the time she had been gone or something else.

"Close the Door Liv." And so they faced each other, separated only by a wooden desk. "Do you want to sit down?" Liv couldn't believe it, the captain was stalling,

"I'll stand." She had a feeling this was going to be bad news. The last time she had seen Cragen this uncomfortable was when her mother had died. Unless you count the time he caught Alex and her in the interrogation room. They had been feeling particularly frisky that day, but then he was uncomfortable in a whole different way.

"I have some news." Liv was tempted to reach across the paper swathed desk and ring his neck, protocol and consequences be damned. The only thing that kept her hands at her sides was the realization that if she killed him she wouldn't know what it was he wanted to tell her…that and he was her only father figure. "They've taken down Zapata." Olivia felt her stomach fall…as well as all of her other organs,

"And Velez?" Cragen shook his head,

"Not necessary. Velez is a criminal; he has no reason to waste manpower on revenge of a woman who crossed a dead man." Seeing Liv's confused expression he continued, "Zapata was killed in a raid two days ago. I know you haven't heard anything yet, the feds are keeping it hush hush."

Olivia felt elated: no more lonely nights, no more nostalgic operas, no more tear ridden Sunday mornings. She was getting Alex back. It sounded foreign to even think. Olivia had become almost resigned that she would never see Alex again. As much as it tore her to think every day, it kept her from breaking in two. It stopped her from turning wildly every time she spotted a blond in a suit or the smell of champagne or pomegranate.

"So when can Alex come back?" Don's face paled considerably. This is why he had been stalling. Olivia felt like screaming but it came out no more than a hoarse whisper, "What is it Don?" The captain sighed wearily and sat behind his desk. He seemed to be hunched over with the weight of Manhattan on his shoulders.

"The day before Zapata was killed, one of his men found Alex…she's been attacked." Liv felt like slapping him up the side of the head,

"But she is alive?!" Don nodded slowly as if confirming this detail took an immense amount of effort. "But…" Liv had a bad feeling. She could sense the unspoken like a cloud looming directly overhead….and it was about to rain.

"Liv, Alex had a breakdown." Liv decided it was time to sit down. Collapsing into the chair she felt the numbness of shock threaten to sink in. Far too much information in such a short period of time.

"What happened?" Don shook his head,

"They don't really know. She was kidnapped…somehow escaped and was found beaten up mumbling to herself on the side of a freeway. She has been in a psyche ward ever since. They haven't gotten anything out of her." Liv shook her head to attempt to clear the jumble that enveloped her mind. She had gone from bliss to panic to devastation in the course of five minutes. She could vaguely hear her name being called out, looking up, she was met with the caring eyes of her surrogate father,

"Go to her. We'll be here when you get back. Both of you. Bring our girl home."


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia didn't remember how she had gotten to the airport or boarded the plane…she wasn't even sure how she got the ticket. All she could think about was her conversation with the captain. Alex had been in Tacoma, Washington. Apparently it was a Town of about 200,000 on the Pacific Coast. Olivia wondered whether Alex had liked living so close to the beach, whether she liked the warmer weather. Whether she had been happy, even a little bit. Alex or Cynthia Johnson as it were…were…past tense. She wasn't Cindy anymore she was her Alex. Her poor baby who was now holed up in the nuthouse thanks to those bastards.

The very idea of her strong confident lover broken shook Liv to the core. She feared what she would see when she arrived in Tacoma. She wondered what Alex looked like, what the seriousness of her condition was. Don had been vague despite her best Detective questioning. Turbulence shook the plane jolting Olivia back to reality. Looking around she sighed and sunk into her seat.

She remembered sitting with Alex in outdoor cafés laughing, talking and people watching for hours. They would make up stories for the people they saw pass them. Affairs, tragedies and fairy tales. It was much easier to play pretend then to face the harsh reality of life. Easier than wondering whether that little girl with pigtails and a lollypop would turn up on a slab the next day. They could escape in the bustle of New York, their lattes and each other for a little while, before they dove back into the deep recesses of human nature. Olivia hadn't people watched since Alex left. She used to be thankful for the ignorance of the citizens but after Alex she was appalled by it. She used to want to shield them from being tainted by what she saw…but now she just wanted to slap them up the sides of their heads and tell them to be more careful-maybe they would live.

After landing Liv quickly rented a car, a small compact Toyota. It was a shade of azure that reminded her of Alex's eyes. But what didn't remind her of Alex? Thanks to the wonders of map quest she was soon at the ominous gates of Western State, a local hospital-where they sent those that society didn't want to deal with. Liv walked up to the big brick building-brown and cold. It looked a mixture between a private university and a prison. Olivia pushed through the doors and was quickly met by the smell of sterilization and ammonia.

She headed to the front desk almost ready to ask for a rape victim only to realize that she wasn't on the job. This was personal. She could hide herself in the job, she knew the job. But this was foreign to her; no one ever needed her in a hospital before-not like this. Olivia found herself whispering despite the loud atmosphere,

"Hello my name is Olivia Benson and I am here to see Alex Cabot." The nurse behind the counter didn't look up,

"Department?" The woman was typing something on the computer and snapping her gum incessantly. She was some 20 something apparently trying to make some extra cash or maybe a medical student-if so not a very astute one.

"The psyche ward." That apparently got the woman's attention her eyes shot up and narrowed,

"What did you say your name was again?" Olivia sighed,

"Detective Olivia Benson," she pulled out her badge for effect she wasn't in the mood for twenty questions, "I am with the NYPD and a personal friend of Miss Cabot's and I would like to see her." Proud that her voice only hinted at her annoyance Liv silently congratulated herself. More typing.

"Here you are. You are on the approved visitors list. You have to walk down the hall to your left and then turn through the doors on the end at the right." Liv nodded and gave small thanks before heading down the white hallway. She never did understand why hospitals strived to have long white hallways. The White walkway was a common sign of oncoming death and Liv couldn't imagine why they would want to give off that impression. Unless they just didn't want to get people's hopes up…prepare them. Turning to the right she was automatically met with short stout man with a hitleresque mustache and a bored expression,

"Weapons, needles, pens, pencils and anything else with a point in the bin to your left." Liv shook her head in confusion,

"I am not here to visit anyone suicidal or dangerous." The man let out an exasperated sigh as if he was trying to explain something to a small child,

"You are here to visit someone in the psyche ward?" Liv nodded, "No one is here unless they are either dangerous to others or to themselves." Olivia suddenly got the impression that Don left out some important details. She reluctantly unclipped her gun and removed anything even remotely sharp. She walked up to yet another white austere desk.

"Hello I am here to see Alex Cabot." The woman behind the desk didn't look up; apparently it was company policy,

"Name?"

"Detective Olivia Benson." More typing. With a wave of the hand the woman signaled for a man on the other side of the room to come over,

"Can you take Detective Benson to Miss Cabot's room, 244?" The man nodded silently, turned around and walked away without another word. Olivia struggled to keep up with his stride; the man was at least 6'5. They soon arrived on a white thick door with a daunting padlock. The man unlocked the door and Liv looked inside. She gasped,

"Alex."


	4. Chapter 4

There huddled in the corner Liv could see a small shaking figure. Alex must have lost at least 20 pounds, and she had been thin to begin with. Blond locks clung and obstructed Liv's view of her face. The room was a blinding shade of white, adorned with only a bed, caked in white linens. Blinking rapidly against the bright florescent lights Liv cautiously approached Alex.

Alex didn't react or look up. She just continued to rock back and forth in a fetal position, cacophonously silent. Liv had a lot of experience witnessing the effects of drugs and as soon as she was within ten feet of the ADA she knew she was medicated. Enraged she turned and looked at the man who had escorted her, and now was looming in front of the doorway.

"Why is she medicated? Don't you think that will delay recovery?!" Liv's voice was harsh but also a whisper, she didn't want to alarm Alex. Not that it mattered, she didn't even look up. The man sighed; Liv was becoming increasingly annoyed at the condescending attitude at the hospital,

"She was a danger to herself that is why she is medicated. While most of the bruises and lacerations are from her attack, if you take a look at her arms you'll see a stretch of cuts created by her own fingernails. Under the medication she doesn't have the endurance to hurt herself too badly." The man spoke with no emotion, no concern for the woman who was the most important thing in her life. Liv wondered if this was the real reason they made her turn over her weapon, so she wouldn't shoot the staff for their nonchalance and standoffish manner.

Liv was shocked to hear that Alex had been hurting herself. Well, she knew that Alex would hurt herself emotionally, burying her feelings and denying herself things she wanted, but lashing out physically… it sound more like something she would do not Alex. Liv could feel her heart breaking; turning her back on the man, she faced her love. She had longed to see Alex, to run her hands through those now limp blond tresses. To gaze into the blue eyes…to smell that scent to akin to Alex, champagne and pomegranate. She was now a few mere inches away from Alex, dropping to her knees she sunk to her level.

Alex didn't look up; she made no sign that she was aware that Olivia was even in the room. Liv stretched out one hand, shocked that it trembled, and lifted Alex's face to look into her own. Those eyes. They seemed foreign. There was no arrogance, confidence or compassion. They were hollow and dull. They did not see Liv; they looked through her. She gasped and felt her eyes pooling with unshed tears. A loud bang on the other side of the room made her turn her attention away.

A doctor trailed by two burly nurses entered the room. They strutted into the room with an air of arrogance Olivia despised on anyone other than Alex.

"My name is Doctor Ster. I have been overseeing Miss Cabot's treatment." Liv waited for him to continue, although he seemed in no hurry to do so, "I am here to administer Miss Cabot's medication." Liv winced at this. She had been to enough psyche wards to know what happens next. The two muscular nurses would hold down her love as this Doctor injected more numbing meds. Liv also knew that there was nothing she could do to stop it. So she gave a lingering glare to the three of them, one that conveyed 'you hurt her you die' and slowly backed away. She stayed only a few feet away, ready to pounce if things got out of hand. What she didn't expect was what happened next.

Doctor Ster and his two assistants walked up to Alex and knelt down at her side. Doctor Ster rolled up one of her sleeves, and in so doing seizing the breath from Liv's lungs. Alex's arm was a collage of bruises and cuts. Some of the cuts did indeed seem self-inflicted. An agonizing sound filled the small room, Alex had begun to whimper. She did not, however, move. It sounded like a wounded animal, Olivia just wanted to cradle her and kiss away the pain.

When Doctor Ster was done Alex retracted even more and began started rocking again. The doctor turned and faced Olivia,

"Visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow and visit again if you like." Olivia nodded silently, too overwhelmed to speak. She whispered a soft goodbye and quietly left the room. The thick door slammed closed and Alex was left once again in silence, only then… did she look up.


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia woke up in a nondescript motel room. She didn't even remember checking in. With all of these memory blanks she was about ready to check herself into the psyche ward. But she knew it was due to stress and lack of sleep. She spent most of the night staring out the window, watching the rain and trying to figure out how to get through to Alex.

She didn't know what to do. The emptiness in Alex's eyes still sent chills down her vertebrae. Heaving a weary sigh she slowly rose up from the hazel cotton sheets. Liv threw them half heartedly on the floor and stumbled to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror she analyzed her appearance.

Sunken eyes, broken expression, slouched posture, messy hair…shaking her head she asked herself,

"What happened to you?" After a few moments of silence, in the broken down motel bathroom, she realized that she didn't know the answer. Apparently Alex wasn't the only one who'd changed.

She arrived at the ward at about noon. She went through the drill like a pro although this was only her second visit. Once again she was escorted to Alex's room although this time Mr. Big Guy was kind enough to wait outside the door. But not before bolting her inside.

Alex appeared to never have moved. She was still in the corner, still huddled, still broken. There was once colossal difference. This time when Olivia approached her; Alex looked up. Liv was so taken aback she stopped, as if stuck in hardened cement. Alex didn't talk; she didn't say a word. She just looked at her. The look a child gives something that they don't believe in or trust. A small scared and confused expression. Alex wasn't rocking anymore…she just sat there. The silence lingered for an eternity, neither of them able to do anything to break it.

"Are…are…are…you real?" Her voice no more than a raspy whisper, but Liv felt it reverberate through her like a gong. That voice, unused and small, was her Alex. A voice she swore she could hear late at night. A ghost in the wind always whispered never real. How could she say she was real when she was wondering the same thing that very morning? If Alex wanted to know if her heart was beating than yes, but if she wanted to know if she was the same Liv she had left…there was no answer she could provide.

Instead of answering Liv rushed forward and ran her hands through Alex's tangled mane. Alex tried to withdrawal at first but soon succumbed. They collapsed into each other, unaware of whose tears belonged to whom. Liv could feel Alex clinging to her like a life vest, she seemed to be afraid that if she let go she would drown and Liv would float away. Olivia felt like a boa herself. So long had she wanted to hold her in her arms. After a few minutes the sobs had subsided and Alex buried her head in the crook of Liv's shoulder.

"You're real. God Liv I'm so messed up." Olivia felt herself laughing despite herself,

"That makes two of us." Alex laughed but it quickly transformed into a sob. She pulled away and looked into Liv's eyes. Olivia could see the light beginning to return. It was dim but it was there…hope.

"I have nothing. No possessions…no life…no home…" Alex trailed away and looked down. Olivia raised Alex's firm chin to look into those windows she had been longing to peer into,

"I'll be your home."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for your support! I love the reviews. Each time I see the number go up I get giddy. My comments back to you:**

**lilyjane- Of course you'll find out what happened to Alex…as soon as I do. Just Kidding. Don't worry I am going to be slowly writing in pieces until I reveal it in its entirety, unless… that is, you can figure it out first ;)**

**ACertainJustice- Don't worry they can only keep Alex on meds for so long lol**

**Justicegrl- I can only be so mean to Alex you know. winks**

**Spana- I am glad you liked the last line I was afraid it would come out too cheesy. **

**And now on with the story:**

Liv woke up in the dark… with an excruciatingly sore back. She was on the floor; as she shifted to get up she was halted by a tiny moan. Alex. Alex's head was resting in her lap. Olivia instantly forgot about her soreness and focused instead on the soothing rise and fall of her chest. Her fingers traced Alex's cheek. She half expected them to go through her, to wake up alone…all of this having been a dream.

Liv didn't know how long she had been out for, nor when they had dimmed the lights. The room looked surprisingly less intimidating in the dark. In the light it was a menacing prison, but at night it was just four walls a door and a bed. Curious how our senses are deceived by small things such as lighting. Liv's reflections were cut short by a small twitch. Alex had begun to jerk back and forth. It was soft at first but Alex had started to whimper again. The same tortured sound Olivia had endured the day before. Stroking her cheek she tried to comfort her,

"It's okay Alex. Wake up sweetheart. Sweetie wake up." A shriek shook the room and Alex shot up, as if out of a cannon. Heaving heavily Alex's wide eyes whirled around wildly. She didn't know where she was.

"Alex it's alright. I am right here." Alex crawled back, frantically shaking her head, until her back hit a wall. Although they were now a few feet apart Liv could hear her whisper clearly,

"God Liv I am so fucked up." Olivia sighed-Alex hated to be weak. She knew this must be killing her-the dependency.

"Me too."

"Funny I don't see you in a psyche ward." For a second she could see the old Alex. The sarcastic retort matched with the cocky 'take that' eyebrow hitch. But it soon faded.

"I'm just better at hiding it. I have had plenty of practice." Alex's eyes closed in pain. She also had plenty of experience with Liv's self-destructive tendencies. The drinking, skipping meals, sleep deprivation, and pure recklessness. Alex's voice rang out a weakly,

"At least you never carved into your skin with your own fingernails." Alex's porcelain face was streaked once more with tears, and Liv wondered how either of them could possibly have any left to shed.

"I've never lost my life, my friends…everything. I never had to look in the mirror in the morning and try and remember what to call myself. I've never lost my own name." Alex shook her head and let out a bitter laugh,

"That wasn't the worst part. A name is just a name. 'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.' I lost you."

"I'm right here." Pulling Alex into her arms she whispered sweet nothings into her ear while gently rocking her to sleep.

Liv didn't know how long it was before Alex fell asleep again. She spent the next hour or so watching her, relishing in her company. The feel of her in her arms. Eventually Mr. Big Guy came back and told her that visiting hours were over. Olivia carried Alex's frail body over to the bed and tucked her in. She kissed her on the temple,

"We'll find ourselves together." As Liv began to walk away she felt a tug on her hand. She looked up into Alex's sleep leaded eyes,

"What if I can't? What if there isn't anything left to find?" Liv's heart clenched at the insecurity of the woman she had never seen at a loss of confidence before this ordeal. She looked up at Mr. Big Guy,

"I am not leaving her. If you want her to recover you'll let me stay. If I recall she hadn't said a word before my arrival. Bring on the goons if you must but I'm not going anywhere."


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry I know it is short but no worries the next few chapters will be longer, I just needed a transition chapter. Thank you for all of your support!-Gigi**

"My name is Frank Hobkins and I am not just a goon…I am a goon with a doctorate." Olivia blinked several times…was he smiling because he was going to let her stay or because he was imagining throwing her out on her ass?

Frank paused and ran a hand through his blond locks,

"My boss is going to murder me you know that?" Olivia wasn't sure if this was rhetorical. This man, Frank apparently, had gone from not speaking to her to suddenly divulging his personnel file. She now figured she had just done the equivalent of calling a cop a "pig", probably not the best way to get what she wanted.

"Well my specialty is sex crimes…would he rape you first? Then I would arrest him." Frank laughed and shook his head,

"You know what? I think you belong here…go ahead stay." Frank started to close the thick door, "If you are quiet, I'll bring you an extra pillow on my next round." Liv looked down at Alex, who was still clinging to her hand,

"You hear that sweetie? I can stay." Alex's eyes were drifting shut,

"Join me." Liv looked down at the twin bed dubiously, even though Alex took up an abysmal amount of space she still didn't think she'd fit.

"Hun, I haven't fit in a twin bed for years." One of Alex's eyes popped open and a small smile crossed her face,

"Liv, you don't fit in a twin because you are an octopus in bed. That much movement is great when we are using our bed for recreation, but it was always me who would wake up on the floor." Liv sighed,

"I don't know…" Alex laughed,

"This might be a psyche ward but that floor isn't padded." Liv yielded and slid in next to Alex. It was a snug fit but she wondered why she put up a fight when she felt Alex's body mesh against her own.

"Ack…Liv your feet are cold." Olivia chuckled into Alex's hair, it seemed like old times. Like they were at one of their apartments not some ward. She could smell Alex…and she found herself amazed.

"Alex?" Liv waited… "Alex?" A muffled response cut the air,

"Mmm?"

"You smell the same." Alex woke up now. She turned and propped herself up with her elbow

"What?" Liv shook her head; Alex was never very coherent when she was tired,

"You smell the same as you did the last time I saw you…the same as the first time I met you." Alex smiled coyly…

"And…just…how…do I smell?" Liv leaned forward so that she was centimeters away from Alex's face,

"Like pomegranate and champagne." Olivia captured Alex's lips. Relishing in their taste, the kiss was slow and sensual, powerful and exploring. Running her hands though Alex's hair she pulled her deeper and deeper, trying to swallow her spirit to awaken her own…she had been dead too long. Devouring her as would a starving babe on a supple breast. Alex's hands were cupping her face tracing the curves of her features as if memorizing them with her hands. When they parted they rested their foreheads together and gazed deeply into one another. Brown meets Blue. Olivia traced Alex's lips leisurely,

"But you taste like home."


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia felt a light shaking on her shoulder but struggled to stay in the serene sleep that she was finally becoming used to feeling. The shaking quickened and Liv opened her eyes to short curly blond locks and green eyes,

"Frank?" Frank nodded and put his finger to his lips,

"Time to get your voluptuous ass out of here again doll." It had become the ritual. Frank would allow her to stay after hours and would wake her in time to escape the doctors each morning. She would head home, shower and then return to Alex's side. The twin bed was small and her back was sore but she couldn't remember the last time she had been sleeping so well. Oh yes she could, before Velez.

It had been over a month now. Alex was putting on some weight…she wasn't quite her regular size…which was on the thin side to begin with. But more importantly Alex didn't wake up each night crying anymore. Now it was only once or twice a week. Liv still had no idea what she had been through with her attack or how she had ended up on the side of the road, but she was being good and not pushing the issue. Being a detective, this was very hard. Sometimes she would get a few jumbled words through the sobs when Alex was waking from a nightmare. In the last month all she had been able to comprehend was "Hitch" "bars" and "pigtails." That and her name…her name muttered out in anguish unaware for a few agonizing seconds that she was there. A voice laced in pain, helplessness and isolation.

She had also learned a lot about Frank, it turned out he was a total pushover. He might be over 6 feet tall but he brought her blankets and even smuggled her food. He was also keeping her up-to-date with Doctor Ster's diagnosis of Alex, which was good because despite her badge the Hospital told her almost nothing. Kissing Alex on the forehead she slipped out of the bed and grabbed her shoes. Hopping towards the door she tried to keep up with Frank's talking but it was only 4 a.m. and she hadn't shaken off the sleep yet.

"I have good news Toots," Frank knew these nicknames bothered her but he loved to tease her with them. Liv noted that there wasn't much she could do about it. He was her lifeline to Alex, and he wasn't being mocking, it was just his southern bred nature. Olivia followed Frank though the dimly lit hall waiting for him to elaborate,

"Well, Doctor Ster is quite proud of "his work with Alex." He believes she might be ready to be released. Supervised of course, but released nevertheless." Olivia stopped dead in her tracks,

"When?" Frank sighed and started pulling Liv by the elbow,

"Soon sugar soon. The only thing he wants is for her to open up about the attack," Olivia snorted at the idea of her Alex divulging her secrets to a pompous stranger, "but… I think he has finally given up on that. I think he is actually planning on giving you the good news today." Olivia felt elated; she could finally take Alex back where she belonged. Back to New York City, back to her apartment…with a queen bed…thank god. Alex had indeed ended up on the floor at least half a dozen times in the last month. She was a good sport and always said that Olivia could make it up to her after they left "limbo."

That was what Alex called her room, "limbo." A place she was forced to dwell, not in reality but not completely isolated from it. Not forced to go back to her past but unable to move on to her future…limbo. The drive back to the hotel was made in a daze. She stepped into the apartment and looked around with a satisfied smile…this was one of the last "nights" she'd be booked there. It was more like a locker room anyway; merely a place to drop off her stuff and shower.

She returned to the Ward around 6. The Visiting hours officially started at 7 but the receptionist knew her well enough to let her in a little early. After once again stripping herself bare of anything even remotely sharp, Frank led her back to limbo. During the day they pretended that they didn't know each other. She pretended that she didn't know where he went to college, or his favorite football team or movie. He tried his best to call her ma'am although it seemed foreign on his tongue.

As she walked in she saw that Alex had also had a shower. She was running her hands through her hair; apparently one can do some real damage with a comb so they aren't permitted. Alex turned and watched Frank close the door behind Liv, although not before gracing the blond with a small wink. Alex sauntered up to Olivia, she was wet and without an ounce of make-up…a beautiful angel. Her angel.

They locked hands and Alex gave Olivia a small innocent kiss on the lips. It was short but pure. They were building their relationship back again. The love was there; the respect was there, but there was more. A tension, a fear; they were both afraid. They were afraid to fall and be unable to get back up.

The door was yanked open and they flew away from one another, Doctor Ster strutted into the room followed by a smiling Frank.

"Progress Miss Cabot. It seems just like yesterday we were bandaging your arms and forcing meds in your system." Olivia ground her teeth together, reminded once again about how much she hated this man. Alex became the lawyer, keeping her face impassive.

"Progress meaning what Doctor?" Doctor Ster removed his glassed and smiled at the two of them,

"You, Miss Cabot, are going back To New York. You will need supervision, but other than that you are free to go." Olivia wiped away the tears of joy as she wrapped Alex in her arms. "Oh and Miss Cabot?" Alex looked up warily; it was too good to be true.

"Pack warmly…New York City isn't blessed with the warm weather like we are here in Tacoma, Washington." With that the doctor swiftly left the room. The two women looked over at Frank although it was Alex, who spoke first,

"I am going to miss you Frank." Frank smiled slyly,

"Is it snowing in New York?" Olivia nodded. "Good I miss the snow." The two looked at him quizzically,

"What?" Frank laughed heartily at their expense,

"I'm coming with you gals to the big apple. You need supervision remember. Doctor Ster asked for volunteers and well not only do I get to leave this loony bin to tag along with you two but I get a raise." They looked at each other,

"This is great, but…" Frank stopped them knowing where they were going,

"Don't worry I'm being set up with my own pad. Not that I wouldn't mind an invitation to watch." Olivia smiled and turned to Alex,

"Let's go Home." Alex smiled trying to wrap her mind around the word,

"Home."


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Hey I don't know if any of you have noticed but my story has officially been changed to M…interested? Lol.**

**lilyjane: Almost like watching SVU? Hardly, but thank you for the compliment. **

**PaceyW'sgirl: I'm glad you like Frank. He was supposed to be temporary, but I bonded with him. I figured what the hell I'm the writer. He's going to be sticking around for awhile. **

**SVUBeauty: I'm glad you like it. I write when I am procrastinating…so what does the regularity of my updates tell you? Haha. **

**AnaDry****: Oh yes…I have the reunion planned…it will happen in Chapter 11…just to let you know.**

**LivElRocks a lot****: Well of course they are…this is an Alex/Liv fic after all. Lol**

**ACertainJustice****: Amazing? Um…no but obviously tolerable if people are still reading it. Thank you. **

**ADAAlexCabot****: Thanks! **

Olivia looked over to Alex in the seat next to her. She was wringing her hands and looking nervously outside the airplane window. Olivia was uneasy with Alex's uncharacteristic behavior. She had to keep reminding herself what this must be like for Alex. Going back after years of not being her. Seeing everyone again after so much had happened.

"Psst?" Olivia looked around to the row in front of her; Frank was trying to get her attention,

"Yeah?" Frank nodded his head over in Alex's direction,

"Is she any better?" Olivia shook her head and returned in the same whisper, not that it mattered, Alex was miles away anyway,

"No she is still quiet and fidgeting." Frank smiled suggestively,

"You know what always calms my nerves dear?" Olivia shook her head although she wasn't sure she wanted to know where he was going,

"The 10,000 mile-high-club." Olivia choked on her Diet Coke. Alex didn't even react…she just sat there completely oblivious.

"You're incorrigible you know that?" Frank laughed softly and winked,

"Well girls did used to tell me I looked like that boy in _The Sound of Music_." Olivia whacked him half-heartedly with the back of her hand before sending another concerned glance over to Alex. She suddenly had an idea; she leaned over to Alex and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. Alex jumped out of her skin and twirled around,

"Liv what is it?" Olivia leaned down and whispered into her ear conspiratorially,

"Wait two minutes and then come into the lavatory to the right in the back." Olivia ignored Alex's confused expression and silently rose to her feet walking to the back of the airplane. Alex looked over to Frank for some insight but he merely shrugged his shoulders, winked and turned around. Alex peered down at her small wristwatch. It had indeed been two minutes.

She slowly rose to her feet and maneuvered her way through the walkway to the back. She glanced at people seated around her. Some sleeping, some reading, none could tell her what her girlfriend was thinking unfortunately. Sighing she stood in front of the right rear lavatory. She knocked softly and turned around looking for anyone watching. She suddenly felt a tug on her hand and she was being pulled into the small stall.

Alex found herself seated on the sink with Olivia's hands on either side of her thighs. Liv leaned in and looked up into Alex's eyes. Because of her position on the sink, Alex had a few inches on Olivia.

"Sweetie you're distracted." Alex opened her mouth to justify herself,

"I haven't been back in years, everything has changed…" Liv interrupted,

"Not everything," as she dipped her head to get at the hollow of Alex's throat. Alex tried to continue although she found it difficult,

"Well…I…don't know about my job…what am I supposed to aaaaa…" Olivia nipped lightly at the base of her throat and moved upwards. Alex felt her determination to finish her thought slip as she felt Liv's tongue dart out to suck on her heated flesh. Alex's head fell back against the mirror of the restroom with a loud thump as she felt deft hands crawling up her thighs and seek refuge under her shirt. Small lazy circles teased her skin and lit it aflame with a passion long unsatisfied. Alex became frustrated with being passive and ran her hands through Liv's hair pulling her mouth to hers.

Tongues fought for supremacy as desire built in both of them. Olivia looked down and was surprised to find her shirt removed, she looked up at Alex's smug expression,

"That's…new." Alex smiled at Liv's quickened breaths,

"Come 'ere." Olivia hitched an eyebrow but acquiesced willingly. Alex hopped down off the sink and pinned Olivia against the opposite side of the stall with another thud. Alex's eyes were clouded over as she quickly unlatched Liv's bra, replacing it's presence with her mouth. Olivia moaned from deep in the recesses of her throat, a primal and carnal noise. Alex had devoured Liv's left nipple, lavishing it with kisses and small bites until it turned bright red. She then followed the trail lower, kissing as she went, until she reached the buckle of her belt. Just as she was about to unbuckle it, they were thrown into each other and onto the ground. A ding rang overhead instructing them to get up and return to their seats. They looked at each other with the same look in their eyes, they had unfinished business to attend to.

Olivia helped Alex up and smiled,

"On the bright side you don't look nervous anymore." Alex groaned,

"No, now I have a new source of frustration to worry about."


	10. Chapter 10

**AnaDry****: I know what's more interesting than the 10,000 mile-high-club? Lol**

**ACertainJustice****: I know I just had to have Frank stay on. He adds certain flair to the plot. **

**MoonStars: Thank you. I wanted to put Alex as far away geographically from Liv as possible. California is overdone so I chose Washington. Then I had to choose a city. I found a map online and it just stuck out. I sought out the population, I didn't want to stick her in a small town (remember her distaste for quiet in Ghost?), and voila my setting was born. **

**AND ON WITH THE STORY**

Alex and Olivia returned to their seats together, both looking only partially satisfied, but Alex had indeed stopped fidgeting. She was now shooting fleeting looks in Olivia's direction and unconsciously licking her lips. When they sat back down, Frank leaned back and whispered in Liv's ear,

"Well she's relaxed but neither of you two looks satisfied sweet tart." Olivia laughed quietly and shook her head. She had assumed he would run out of nicknames eventually but she had begun to see that this wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Frank smiled,

"Turbulence is a bitch. I was with this delectable blond one time and we were thrown by turbulence. Nothing quashes the mood like one's head in the toilet." Liv smiled and turned to Alex and leaned over. Alex looked up and gulped at the proximity; it was overwhelming after what had just transpired. Liv smiled and whispered Alex's ear,

"I think it was for the best." Alex looked over at her with a baffled expression; that had definitely not been what she was thinking. Liv leaned over again and this time whispered low and gutturally,

"When I make you cum, I want to hear you scream." Alex trembled at the tone of her voice. It was one she had feared she would never hear again. She looked into Liv's eyes and saw that they had darkened with desire to the point in which she couldn't distinguish the pupils.

Alex leaned in and whispered back into Olivia's ear,

"I would take you up on that right now but there are too many witnesses." Alex used the cover of Liv's hair to take a chance. She nipped at Liv's earlobe lightly and was contented to feel the heat radiate off of her. Her eyes lit up as she watched the hairs on the back of Olivia's neck stand up. She slowly kissed down her neck until finally sucking at the flesh just beneath Olivia's collar. Marking her. Liv shuddered and bit down on her lip to squash the moan that threatened to break the soft lull of the airplane.

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and were met by two twinkling blue eyes and a Cheshire cat grin, but they weren't Alex's. Frank was smirking knowingly, and when Liv turned her head she saw the same expression on Alex's face. She sent her a glare, and Alex's hands rose up in mock defense.

"Don't go there, you started it. I have a witness." Alex gestured towards Frank in a quintessential lawyer tone of voice. Olivia turned her glare onto Frank,

"I know what happens when the witness mysteriously disappears, and aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Frank smiled and shook his head,

"Sorry sunflower, but she won the battle of seduction this time." Olivia shrugged her shoulders and sighed determinably,

"Maybe the battle but not the war." The rest of the ride contained some idle chitchat but nothing substantial. The plane banged and threw Alex into the side of the plane. With a groan she rubbed the side of her head. Olivia just chuckled lightly and unbuckled her seatbelt. They went through the mundane motions of gathering their luggage and heading out to the main entrance.

Elliot was waiting with a steaming coffee and a blond frizzy haired woman by his side. Alex looked over at Liv bewildered,

"Who is that woman with El?" Olivia looked away from her conversation with Frank to the couple in front of her. She moaned in irritation and shifted the luggage she was carrying awkwardly,

"His partner, "Dani" Beck." Alex turned and looked at Liv,

"Dear I think you have neglected to mention a few things. What's next? Elliot's divorced and a member of the squad has a homosexual child?" Liv rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably,

"Well…" Alex sighed and shook her head in disbelief, her blond tresses bouncing around her face as she did so,

"I wasn't gone for that long." They didn't have a chance to say anything else because Elliot and Beck had reached them. Elliot pulled Alex into a quick bone crushing hug and then plopped her back on the ground,

"Alex it is great to have you back. Oh, and this is Detective Dani Beck." The two women briefly shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. Alex turned abruptly realizing that Frank was behind her,

"Oh Elliot, Dani, this is Frank Hobkins. He works at the hospital and he is here as a friend, and to make sure I don't go off the deep end." The group blinked at Alex's bluntness before remembering who they were dealing with. Olivia looked at Beck to find her checking out Alex. Olivia growled softly in the recesses of her throat, _'Back off Beck. She's mine.'_


	11. Chapter 11

**liv-it-up-love****: I am glad you like it! And don't worry they will have the chance soon, but I have some things in store for our favorite pair first. Thanks for reviewing "Making The Move"!**

**ACertainJustice****: Glad you liked the naughtiness lol. Yep Elliot is blessed. Interesting suggestion with Frank. Haha. And I am glad I could give you a smut fix with "Making The Move." **

**lilyjane****: You are most certainly not wrong…but can you blame Beck? I had to throw that in when I realized how much drama Alex had missed. Glad you like it!**

**AnaDry****: And thank you for posting! Means a lot.**

**Waffle's Very Happy.****: Nothing beats smut in the office. Hehe. Thank you for posting to "Making The Move", and I'm glad you like this fic.**

An odd pause ensued as Olivia entered into a silent standoff with Beck. Frank narrowed his eyes guardedly as he too noticed the frizzy haired women's hungry eyes feasting on Alex. Dani just smiled and cocked an eyebrow; the meaning was clear 'Bring it on'. Elliot and Alex, bless their souls were just looking around confused and completely oblivious.

Liv linked an arm with Alex territorially and started walking. The others followed in silence. Frank leaned down to whisper into Liv's ear conspiratorially,

"Watch out for the Scarecrow." Liv chuckled and shook her head at Frank's ability to make her smile,

"Straw hair? No brain?" Frank nodded and strutted over to Elliot. Frank had a few inches on him,

"Are you even drinking that?" Elliot shook his head absentmindedly, apparently trying to figure out what had transpired a few minutes ago. Frank grinned greedily and plucked the hot coffee out of Elliot's hands. Taking a long drawl he closed his eyes in uncensored ecstasy,

"Ah, a hot black coffee….almost as satisfying as a good lay," he looked down at Elliot, "I like you." The two women laughed as Elliot looked at them bewildered,

"What's so funny?" Alex and Liv exchanged glances deciding which of them would answer.

"Those are the magic words. He either likes people or he doesn't…and you don't want to be one of the people he doesn't like." Elliot looked no less confused which caused the women to laugh even harder.

The rest of the ride over to the precinct went fairly smoothly, with only a hint of the tension between the two female detectives. The three travelers were scrunched in the back. Alex was looking out the window in wonder. This was the first time she had been home in years, and this time she would be staying. Alex sought out Elliot's attention,

"Do you know of any ADA openings?" She said it jokingly but it was laced with desperation. Work had been her life. Getting back Liv was a lot but without work it still wasn't her life. She needed a purpose.

Elliot laughed heartedly and looked at her through the rearview mirror,

"For the woman who sacrificed herself in the line of duty? I'm sure they will find a place for you."

Alex knew that SVU already had a competent ADA, Novak, and she found herself sullen at the thought of not working with the squad anymore. They had become a sort of a nice dysfunctional family.

The car screeched to a halt in front of the precinct. Stepping out into the bustle of the street, Alex hugged the jacket closer to her body to ward away the bitter wind. The sky was overcast and ominous not the ray of sunshine one might expect for a long awaited reunion. Alex shivered, not from the cold, but from a memory the atmosphere was causing. She could see it when she closed her eyes; it seemed to be glued to the insides of her eyelids, drilled into her memory.

It had been a day like this one. She had been going on a jog; it was early in the morning. She liked to run until she felt her lungs were going to explode; it was freeing, but the more she ran the longer she had to go to get the same high. It was her drug, and she now looked back in distain for being so predictable. Cold hands and the smell of chloroform. So simple. So cliché. Her abduction wasn't that elaborate, but she had been left helpless. Her life in the hands of 4 men for 9 long days.

Frank shook her from her trance with a light nudge in the shoulder,

"Hey baby blue eyes, I might be here as your friend but I am also in charge of your well-being. And well… right now your being ain't lookin' too well. Are you ready?" Alex nodded, still fighting away the memory back into the recesses of her mind.

Olivia looked at Alex as she nodded and then assumed the walk. Olivia gulped. The walk… a strut of pure confidence to the point of arrogance. A swagger no doubt perfected by growing up a socialite and her time spent in the courtroom. A lawyer must look confident, they must not show any doubt-so that the jury doesn't doubt them or their findings. Liv was shocked to see it again after so long. She hadn't seen it since Alex had walked into the courtroom to the shocked face of Liam Connors, her would-be killer.

Liv was also amazed to find that 'the walk' seemed to work like a switch. One moment Alex had looked so vulnerable, and the next she was exuding confidence from every pore. Frank smiled noticing that he wasn't going to be needed. He said he would call them later as he walked off to catch up with an attractive red head that had just strolled by.

Alex burst through the squad room doors and surveyed the room with a look of pleasant nostalgia. She looked like an angel as the sun lit up her features and reflected off of her golden tresses. Everyone looked up and stopped. Even those who were too green to understand what a moment this was stopped to try and figure out what was happening. Captain Cragen was the first one to reach her, grabbing onto her hand and pulling her into an uncharacteristic and impromptu hug. Not being a touchy-feely kind of guy the hug didn't last very long.

"Nice to have you back Alex." Cragen true to form quickly hurried off to attend to something or another. This left an opening for Munch to canter on up, lifting her up into yet another hug.

"Missed your sharp tongue around here Cabot. There are far too few people to verbally spar with these days." Munch's eyes twinkled humorously as he spoke. Fin soon materialized next to him,

"What he really means is that no one else will play his mind games and put up with his conspiracy talk." Alex laughed and gladly took the handshake from Fin; her sides were beginning to hurt anyway.

"Dang girl you need to get some meat on your bones, you're almost as gangly as the nut over here." Alex smiled, Fin had always forthcoming in his opinions. It was a breath of fresh air in the modern world of euphemisms and the politically correct.

Cragen came back into the room and walked up to Alex,

"Branch wants to see you." Olivia looked at Alex's startled face and smirked,

"That was fast." 


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Sorry For the break but I had finals. They are over! Soooooo Happy! I just had to write!**

**liv-it-up-love****: I am glad you like it. It was very important to me to find a new angle on the Alex comeback scenario. Thanks for reviewing!**

**AnaDry****: You get your wish ;)**

**ACertainJustice****: You know Alex; she is going to fight as long as possible but she is going to crash. Something about Dani rubbed me the wrong way…especially how she rubbed Liv the wrong way. Not that there is a wrong way to rub Liv lol.**

Alex looked around Branch's office; it was the same as when had she left it. At least something hadn't changed. Same old books, same American flag in the corner, same scent of cigars and sawdust. Branch's assistant had told her that he would be back shortly and so she waited dutifully for her boss…ex-boss. After the reunion she had forgotten for a few glorious seconds that anything had ever happened. Alas, one cannot dwell in fantasies for long…apparently it is unhealthy.

The door swung open and Branch walked in with a swagger one can only achieve when they have too much power and a stick up their ass.

"It is nice to have you back in New York Miss Cabot." Alex nodded curtly noticing the formal approach; she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Branch plowed on for a few seconds before Alex forced herself to focus.

"Look we have an ADA opening and you are a dream candidate." Alex raised an eyebrow but decided to let him continue, he was after all offering her a job.

"People don't like lawyers but you…you sacrificed yourself for the job and reappear years later. People will latch onto you…everyone loves a good drama…that and your court attire…let's just say your hired Alexandra." Alex's eyebrows were most likely up in her hairline at this point. All formalism had been promptly thrown out the window at the mention of her wardrobe. Although she did indeed pay close attention to what she wore to court, it was more for a certain detective than any jury and especially not for her boss.

"What position are you offering?" She knew better than to hope for SVU, Novak already had that position. However, if they tried to make her prosecute white collar crimes she would end back up in the psyche ward. Branch smiled,

"I thought I would return you to your old haunt; you did flourish there after all." Alex was stunned. As was illustrated as her jaw dropped inelegantly to the floor. Gathering her bearings she cleared her throat,

"I thought Novak was in charge of SVU?" Branch walked around the desk and patted Alex on the back,

"You two are sensible adults you can learn to share. You start next week." With that he had left the room, leaving Alex dumbfounded. Once Alex was back on the streets she finally felt able to breathe again. Drawing in a large breathe of cold air she pulled out her cell phone. Dialing a familiar number she listened to it ring. She had never forgotten Liv's number. She had in fact dialed it on many occasions…especially on two important days. Liv's birthday and the date of her mother's death. Those two days were always hard for her and Alex felt herself break each time the calendar rolled by them.

"Benson." Alex smiled, Olivia sounded irritated.

"Cabot speaking." Alex swore she could hear Olivia smile on the other end,

"Hey how was the meeting with Branch?" Alex let out a small laugh,

"Oh you know belittling and insightful." Alex found herself weaving somewhat aimlessly though the bustle of the streets. She knew better than to bug the squad twice in one day; they did have jobs to do…and now so did she.

"I have a job." Alex's heart warmed as she received congratulations from the only person who mattered.

"What position?" Alex paused…

"Does Novak know how to share?" Olivia snorted not realizing what Alex was alluding to,

"She is a lawyer what do you think?" Alex sighed; somehow she had doubted it would be that easy. Well Novak would have to learn to move over… because ADA Cabot was taking her life back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry For the lack of updates but you know finals and all that. Read Enjoy and Review!**

**lilyjane**** You love Casey? Casey isn't in this chapter but she will be an interesting development soon. And she can't have Liv! ;)**

**AnaDry****: I know! I had to give Alex her job back…she lived for her job. Thank you for reviewing.**

**chawkchic: I remember you from "For Her!" Thanks for reviewing! I love your review from "Making The Move." How'd that shower go? Lol. Speaking of tough times…they are starting ominous music**

**AND ON WITH THE STORY**

Alex arrived at the precinct around the time Olivia said she would be taking off. Liv never ran by the clock and Alex had accepted that long ago. She had locked herself in her office for hours on end as well; workaholic and obsessive tendencies weren't foreign to her. She asked a passing detective where Liv was and found that she was in the locker room.

As tempted as she was to jump her girlfriend while she was changing…the location wasn't very appropriate, especially since they had been caught by some green detective last time. They had managed to obtain his vow of silence…after threatening to castrate him. Alex decided the proper course of action was to wait patiently at Liv's desk…she was glad to see that the blond detective, Beck, now resided at a desk on the other side of the squad room.

Leaning back in the chair she took of her glasses and began to rub the bridge of her nose. It had been a very tiring day. She was shown an office that was now hers, and was aghast to realize that she had absolutely nothing to fill it with. All she had was a small storage shed of her most precious possessions in Brooklyn. They had forced her to gather them quickly before they had whisked her off into oblivion. She hadn't dared to go back yet.

Groaning Alex fought off the impending headache which threatened to overwhelm her. She felt two strong and feminine hands begin to work out the kinks in her neck. Leaning into the touch she let out a low groan of appreciation. The hands moved lower and Alex felt the sores of the day evaporating. Her hands ran up the arms that were elevating her pain and felt a hot breathe centimeters away from her ear. Her eyes were closed as she realized something…

Opening her eyes she was shocked to meet two chocolate brown orbs. Liv. Twirling around, she looked up into the eyes of none other than Dani Beck. Alex shot out of the chair like she was on fire and twirled back to look at Olivia. She was gone. Shit.

Alex decided to question what the hell Beck was thinking later and pursue her woman. Walking as quickly as heels and a skirt would allow she vacated the room.

Reaching the street, she saw that Olivia was no where in sight. Sighing and running a hand through her hair, Alex debated where Liv would go. She wouldn't go home. Alex growled in frustration…it was so Liv! She would run away and make her find her. As soon as she did Olivia would blow up and the ground would shake in fear of her wrath…but Alex wasn't afraid of Liv. She had been afraid for Liv…but never of her. Or sometimes Liv would just close down. That was even scarier than when she was angry. When she yelled, Alex heard everything; she knew what Liv was thinking. When Olivia shut down Alex was left looking at a hollow shell…until Liv dared to come out.

Alex felt herself being pulled into a trance as her legs began to move. She weaved though the late night bustle on the streets slipping back into the past. It felt as if a silk veil was being lifted off of her. She knew where Liv had gone. It was where she always went to think. Alex still remembered the first time she found Olivia there. It was raining and they were both soaked to the soul.

Liv was just sitting on the steps looking down at the trench where her mother had been brutally raped so many years ago. There on the cold broken concrete… where she was conceived. Alex's sense of déjà vu was enhanced as the sky began to cry. Alex soon found herself looking down at the sunken alleyway. More importantly at the person sitting on the steps oblivous to the rain and cold. Alex could tell instantly that Olivia wasn't going to fight tonight.

Kneeling down on the dirty cement Alex grabbed both of Liv's hands and begged her to look at her. Empty. Olivia was gone. She had lost her. They both sat there in silence…as the rain continued to fall. Broken together and alone.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex tried to talk to her. She tried to break through the barrier Olivia had set up, but to no avail. Her explanations and pleas washed away in the pouring rain…unheard and worthless. Alex looked around helplessly. She had no idea how long they had been sitting there. The rain wasn't letting up and Alex was now kneeling in an inch of water.

Olivia always said that the rain cleansed everything. It washed away the grime. Staring at the sunken trench, Alex wondered if they were being cleansed. Were their souls being purged of the horrors they had endured and seen? Alex doubted it. They were just soaked and cold.

Looking back at her broken lover, Alex sighed. She decided to convey her feelings in another medium. Grabbing at Liv's drenched tresses Alex pulled her mouth to hers. At first Alex felt nothing…it was like kissing a wall. But soon Liv's barriers shattered and Alex felt herself quickly warming up. She now felt like she was drowning, not in water, but in the flood of emotions Liv was radiating in her kisses. Alex wasn't sure if it was thunder or her heart that was blaring in her eardrums. Liv's kisses were demanding and intoxicating…she felt herself sinking.

Olivia roughly pulled away, causing Alex to whimper at the loss of contact. She was staring intensely into her eyes. Alex felt the fire behind them, searing and branding her. She saw her pain, their past. Her eyes were piercing her…trying to remember every word, every touch, every second. Trying to forget.

"Not here." Alex looked around and remembered where they were. She felt like slapping herself. She had just started kissing Liv where her mother had been brutally raped…very sensitive. And yet neither of them moved. They seemed to be locked into a battle of wills; who would look away first? Alex wouldn't. She needed the connection; she needed to convey everything her words couldn't. Alex grabbed hold of Olivia's hands; Olivia looked away.

They continued to sit there in the rain. Neither strong enough to move, neither attempting to let go of each other's hands. Alex's knees were sore from kneeling and the water was now halfway up her thighs. She could tell that she was close to getting though to her. Olivia wouldn't look at her now. Liv knew that if she did then the last of her blockades would be destroyed. Alex always had that power on her. No one else could get in so deep. No one else could break her spirit like a toothpick.

It scared her. Alex had her heart on a battered metal platter. She began to feel herself shivering. Only then did she realize… it was raining. She stared up at the overcast sky and watched the lighting blaze. Glancing back at her lover, Olivia saw that she was submerged in water, and yet she didn't move. For her. Alex looked like an angel. Her flaxen hair hung limp against the onslaught of rain. Her azure eyes were desperate and scared. Just like she expected she felt the last vestiges of her reserve crumbling around her.

"Let's go." The words were soft and at first Liv wasn't sure whether Alex had even heard her, until she saw the light spark behind her eyes. Hope. Slowly they both rose to their feet, their hands still fastened together. Alex began to walk backwards up the steps, unwilling to relinquish her hold on either Olivia's hands or eyes. When they reached the street Alex stopped and looked at Olivia uncertainly. Liv was astonished to realize that Alex didn't know where to go.

Liv was once again amazed at how Alex could turn from a confident adult into a vulnerable child as quickly as a flash of lightning. Alex suddenly looked very small. Her clothes clung to her thin frame exposing her frailty. Olivia began to lead the way, pulling Alex along beside her. They walked together; hands linked…the only people on the streets sans umbrella. In fact they were some of the only people on the street…after ten in a thunderstorm. They slowly made their way the 8 blocks to Olivia's apartment.

Only when they were both locked behind the security of her door, did they break eye contact. Alex was gazed around with a peculiar expression on her face. She took in the ambiance, the furniture, the smell.

"It hasn't changed." Her voice was small and shaky. She seemed to be on the verge of tears. Liv cupped her face in her hands and stroked away the tears with her thumbs. The rain and salt interlaced as they streamed down her ivory skin and onto Olivia's fingers. Liv smiled and shook her head,

"I couldn't change it. You cooked in this kitchen. You used to lie on that sofa. You spilt wine on that ugly rug. You slept in my bed. You are everywhere in here…and if I got rid of it…" She trailed off unable to voice the fears that plagued her for so long,

"There would be nothing left…I would truly be gone." Liv's eyes darted back at Alex's angst-ridden expression.

"I was only allowed to take one picture. Just one. The one with the two of us asleep on the couch after Elliot's New Year's Eve party." Olivia nodded; she remembered that night.

"Liv…about at the precinct…" Olivia's fingers went over her mouth ceasing the explanations.

"Later." Alex met Olivia's eyes, searching for anger but found none. Instead she found…hunger? Olivia's eyes had clouded over in desire and she found herself looking at Alex's attire. Her clothes clung wetly, leaving nothing to the imagination…and yet there was too much of it.

They could deal with their insecurities, secrets, and instabilities in the morning. Right now, Liv just wanted to make Alex scream.


	15. Chapter 15

**liv-it-up-love****: I know…sorry-I hadn't figured out where to go next…but I wanted to update…and hey cliffhangers are fun! ;)**

**AnaDry: Thank you! And here it is! Lol**

**ACertainJustice: The road ahead is rocky but they are together. And Liv is very naughty haha.**

Liv slowly began to walk backwards, pulling Alex in the direction of the bedroom. They were burrowing deep within each other…their eyes ablaze. Not a word. Not a sound. Their footsteps padding softly on the hardwood floors…the only noises audible were the light splash of falling water droplets and the hum of sexual tension.

They reached the bedroom but Liv kept going. Alex rose and eyebrow but continued to follow. She trusted in this woman more than she could scarcely imagine. A very evocative moment was passing between the two women. Their hands were linked and they were almost floating across the apartment.

Finally they reached Liv's intended destination, the bathroom. She pulled Alex close and wrapped her arms around her waist. Liv was unconsciously making small lazy circles with her thumbs…Alex bit down as to not break the silence. Resting their foreheads together, Liv let out a small contented sigh.

After a few seconds of this, she disentangled herself from Alex and retrieved a towel. Flinging the towel haphazardly over her shoulder she began to ease the damp suit jacket off of Alex. It fell to the tile floor, and Liv reached out to carefully remove each button of her blouse.

Alex stood completely still, hands by her side, breathing deeply. The exaggerated rise and fall of her chest was unable to faze Liv's nimble fingers. Soon the blouse followed the jacket and cascaded to the ground. Alex closed her eyes as she felt her bra being unlatched and discarded. Her eyes fluttered open and beheld a stunning display. Olivia was lovingly drying every inch of her torso with the towel… meticulously patting every expanse of her exposed skin. Alex shivered but not out of cold.

Liv was almost afraid to touch her, as if she would disappear. Become nothing more than the ghost she felt on forlorn nights. Every inch of her was porcelain perfection. Her breasts small and tantalizing, rosy peaks hardened in cold and ache. As she began to dry them the first sound in ages erupted into the air. A low guttural moan. Olivia was now down on her knees. She looked up at Alex and gave her a lopsided grin. Alex's hands ran though Olivia's drenched locks as Liv found the zipper of her skirt.

Olivia relished the revelation of miles of legs as the skirt pooled around Alex's ankles. She began to dry them off, leaving goose bumps and flushed skin in her wake. Starting at one ankle she lingeringly moved her way up. She felt the grip on her hair tighten as she began to trail the towel with her mouth.

Higher and higher, an eternity of toned muscle and flesh. Liv's adroit tongue finally collided with a pair of silk panties. Looking up she could see that Alex's head was thrown back and she was swaying on her feet. After concluding that Alex was dry enough, she began to push the blonde tenderly into the bedroom. Alex stopped this process, however, and turned pointedly at Olivia,

"You're wet." Liv smiled wickedly and nodded her head,

"Yes I am." Alex paused and blushed, her cheeks and chest coloring at the pun,

"No…sweetie…" Alex reached out and began to remove Liv's clothing. It was now Olivia's turn to passively watch herself being undressed. As Alex was reaching for the towel, Liv stopped her,

"I have a better way to warm me up." Alex gulped at the husky edge in Olivia's low whisper. She did, however, begin to unbuckle her belt. The black jeans weren't willing to give up Liv's luscious curves, so Alex pulled them down, following their journey. Liv tried to clear her head of the haze; Alex kneeling by her feet, in nothing but silk underwear, was almost more than her libido could take.

Gently grabbing hold of Alex's wrists, she pulled the woman to her feet. This time Alex made no effort to stop herself from being backed up into the bedroom. Alex's eyes widened in surprise as her calves hit the side of the bed sending her tumbling backwards onto soft Egyptian cotton. Kneeling at the base of Alex's feet, she took in the banquet of flesh on display.

Part of Alex was feeling inebriated by the intensity of the moment, while the other side was sharpened…more aware of every scent and sound. Olivia glided over Alex, taking her mouth in a sultry sensuous kiss. She then kissed down Alex's defined jaw down to her neck. Alex's head shot back, opening it up to Liv's attentions. She sucked in at the hollow of Alex's throat…hissing in delight as she felt nails scraping down her back.

Traveling downward Olivia followed a familiar trail in the glorious valley between two flushed peaks. Sidetracking Liv lavished her affection on a supple breast while kneading the other. Pride swelled as she felt Alex's back arch into her, allowing her more access and sending a jolt of desire shooting down her spine and resonating in her center.

Alex now told herself to breathe as she felt Olivia's fingers teasing the inside of her thigh mercilessly. She could feel the tidal wave crashing on the rocks by the shore… and Liv had just started. Her eyes closed as she bucked into Liv's tongue darting out near her navel. She felt fingers grab onto the rim of her underwear…her eyes opened immediately.

"Liv?" Olivia looked up at her lover, both of them out of breath,

"Yes?" Alex hesitated. Apparently the unsure child was surfacing again, with horrible timing. Alex took Olivia's hands in her own and pulled her back up. Effortlessly straddling her hips, Liv looked on questioningly.

"If you take me…You take me. All of me." Pausing Alex drew a shaky breathe,

"I am utterly in love with you. I need to know you can take me…not the me you knew before…but the one I have become." Alex looked down at their linked hands and bit her lip…waiting. A gentle hand pulled her face back up to meet two warm brown eyes,

"I am in love with you. All of you. The lawyer, the child, the bitch, the lover, the princess, even the psyche ward patient. And…" No more was said as Alex's mouth took control of Liv's relenting tongue. Olivia felt herself being flipped, and found herself now on the bottom.

Alex pinned Liv's hands above her head with one hand, as the other one moved roguishly to cup Olivia's center. And much to Liv's pleasant surprise…it was she who screamed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey People! The plot is thickening…Another character is being added and Alex's past is slowly being revealed. And Hey I am one review away from 60…I am a tad bit obsessive and I really hate being one away so review please!**

**Gigi**

**one-six****: Thank you. And thank you also for Reviewing Olivia's Fire. It means a lot to me.**

**ACertainJustice****: Thank you. I just couldn't resist turning the tables on Liv. She is very cocky and Alex has to humble her from time to time. Lol**

**AnaDry****: "wow?" Hardly but I appreciate it nevertheless! **

**ShadowCub****: I know more along the lines of never stop haha**

**liv-it-up-love****: I thought of how you said the last ending was evil while I was writing this chapter…tell me what you think. smirks mischievously.**

Cold gray eyes glared relentlessly at the darkened apartment window. The rain had yet to let up, but he did not move. He couldn't feel the cold… only his anger. A dark pounding hatred which kept him warm, ablaze.

She was his. He had waited. He had followed. He was disgusted, enraged. She let some detective bitch touch her…defile her with her hands and eyes. She was his.

He had watched them walking in the rain, hands everywhere. He watched them enter the apartment…the lights never went on. How could his love do this to him? His blond angel had betrayed his trust, forsaken their love. Shaking his head he came to his senses. It wasn't his love's fault. It was the brunette detective's fault. She was a siren…luring his love away from him.

She had taken her away from Washington. He had to flee in order to keep up; he knew where they were going. For some reason his girl loved this city. He only saw waste and greed…but she spoke of it in her sleep. And of this woman. Liv. He remembered now. Late at night she would mumble her name…never his. He tried to beat the inclination out of her, but every time her body shut down it was always her.

He knew he could never win her heart until she was disposed of. Even after he had used pigtails against her. So although it broke his heart, he let her go. Well he let her stumble away…he laughed at the memory. Oh she was weak from the pleasure of being taken.

He had to be meticulous. He had to be careful…cunning. It was going to be difficult to get to the detective. His woman was smart…she would catch on if he wasn't careful. She knew he would try and find her. His cigarette had burned down to the butt and was now blistering his fingers. Flicking it absentmindedly to the ground he turned away; step one was about to begin.

Soft. Warm. Dark. Alex could feel the veil of sleep slowly being lifted off of her. She snuggled deeper into her pillow in an attempt to thwart consciousness. Alas it was to no avail. This awareness did have its advantages; she was suddenly aware that her pillow was moving. One eyes opened slowly to investigate.

Liv. She remembered now. Wow. What an evening. Olivia looked so peaceful when she slept. Alex kept her head on Liv's chest but opened both eyes. Olivia's features were relaxed and unguarded. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow around her. Their legs were intertwined amidst an array of sheets. She didn't want to move. She wanted to stay in Liv's arms and be at peace, but she was awake now. Turning her head to look out the window she estimated that it must be around 6 am.

Olivia would be wanting to get up, but Alex didn't have the heart to wake her. Instead she carefully untangled herself from her lover and got up from the bed. Her limbs were sore. Everywhere was sore, and she was now sporting an impressive display of hickeys across her neck and chest. Alex stretched and grabbed a robe from the dresser.

She settled down by the window and continued to watch the rain fall. If it continued much longer it would start to flood. For a split second Alex wondered about how the heating in her apartment always malfunctioned when it flooded…only to realize…she didn't have an apartment.

The glass was cold against her forehead; the day looked grim. She had personally loved the rain, but some days you could just tell. It was an ominous feeling that reverberated down to the bone. The storm was coming so to speak.

A loud ringing sounded throughout the small loft. She could scarcely hear Olivia bolting up and answering it. Probably work…someone else had met some terrible fate or abuse. She wished it would shock her. She wished she could be appalled and disturbed; the fact that she accepted it was far more unsettling. She remembered the first time she looked at crime scene photos without reacting. She was so horrified with her lack of response that she went home and drank an entire bottle of wine. Only when she felt the world spinning did she stop.

A few loud bangs and rustling echoed from the bedroom. Liv bolted out half dressed, fighting to get her blouse buttoned. Alex opened her mouth to say something but stopped immediately as she saw the look on Olivia's face. Sometimes she hated to always be right. Liv looked up; her eyes were glazed over with tears; her face frozen in panic.

"Eliot's been shot."


	17. Chapter 17

The journey to the hospital dragged on…akin to the final class before summer vacation. The only difference was instead of excitement the two women were filled with dread. No one spoke. Liv's eyes were glued to the road, although she didn't look like she could even see it. Alex was slumped in the passenger seat; taking turns from staring blankly out the window and stealing glances at the woman beside her.

Alex knew what was happening; Olivia was shutting down. She could shoot a cannonball at her only to have it bounce off of the wall that was now keeping her out. Elliot had been there. He was there before her, and was there to pick up the pieces when she was gone. Alex knew it wasn't sexual; Liv was more likely to go down on Cragen then Elliot. But Alex had to admit she was envious of the emotional connection; something built over years of having each others backs, over risking their lives for each other…that either tears partners apart or glues them together. Eliot and Olivia were an example of the latter.

Elliot knew when to let Liv brood, and when to confront her. Alex was still learning these important distinctions when she was whisked away. And now she felt like she was starting over again. It was like speaking another language after a long break; it was all familiar and yet foreign. She rued the timing…she was just starting to break through. She was beginning to feel like she had before…she was beginning to feel.

She didn't know any of the details. She didn't know where Elliot was shot, by whom, and who was supposed to have his back. If it was the frizzy-haired detective, there was going to be trouble. Alex dared not ask Olivia what she knew. She could feel the eggshells cracking under her feet. They finally pulled up to the hospital; Liv jumped out without even a sideways glance. It was alright, Alex wasn't expecting one.

Liv stormed through the double doors, Alex trailing in her wake. Olivia looked eerily calm. She strutted determinedly up to the front desk, ceasing any peasantries from the secretary with a hard cold look and a badge. As she was getting information from the woman behind the counter, Alex looked around. She hadn't been to this hospital since she had been shot. She woke up and was told by a balding federal agent that she was dead. Apparently instead of heaven she was headed to hell. The déjà vu was potent, causing Alex's hands to begin to shake. A gun shot, cold pavement, bright lights…and her life was over.

Alex looked around quickly only to realize that Liv had run off in the direction of the elevator. A lump was building in her throat. She felt faint as the doors closed and Liv pushed for the 3rd floor. That is where she had been taken; Eliot must be in bad shape. Olivia tapped her foot impatiently on the tile floor of the elevator as Alex tried desperately to regulate her breathing. For a detective, Olivia was completely oblivious. Alex chalked it off to extreme emotional distress. She smiled inwardly. Thinking like a lawyer would keep her sane.

The doors opened and they were greeted by a very disturbing and unwelcoming sight. Beck…covered in blood. Eliot's blood. Alex winced as she foresaw the conflict. True to form Liv stormed up to Beck and dug in her heels. If Alex kept this up she would start wondering if she was clairvoyant. Alex couldn't hear what they were arguing about over the thumping of her heart. The walls were white; the hall smelt of ammonia and oxidized blood.

Warily she approached the two feuding detectives. When she was a few inches behind Liv she tenderly put a hand on her shoulder. Olivia spun around mid accusation and glared at Alex with a venom and fury she had rarely experienced first hand.

"What? Isn't it bad enough I had to tend to you for the past month? If you had been stronger I would have been there for him instead of this bimbo." Alex felt the jibe echo throughout her body, awakening her own temper.

"Oh don't pin this on me. You think I don't know? You two were having problems. You weren't working with each other. Even if you hadn't been with me, what makes you think he would have wanted you guarding his back?" Alex knew it was cruel, especially under the circumstances, but she couldn't help it. Liv had hurt her. Validating the fears she had, that she was a burden. A weak unwanted burden. She quickly turned on the balls of her feet and headed back towards the elevator. She was uneasy in the hospital and had to get away from Liv.

Only when she was back out in the rain did she realize that she didn't have a ride. So she sat. She slumped down against the wall, underneath the ledge of the hospital, effectively evading the rain but not the cold. She wasn't clairvoyant after all. Although looking back…I guess what they say is true; hindsight is 20/20. Hugging her knees she fought the urge to cry. Growing up she was told crying was weak. She was not to be weak; weakness was unfit for a Cabot. She buried her head in her arms and wished she could disappear. She wished that everything would fade away, the roar of the ambulances and the parade of stretchers. A voice offered her just that,

"Need a lift?" Alex's eyes shot up at the familiar voice. Beck. What did she have left to lose?

"I have nowhere to go." Beck paused and looked at Alex pensively. She seemed to be deciding her next move. Alex just kept looking up at her, with no desire to help along the process.

"I know a place." A place. It didn't matter where. It would be away from here.

"Sure."


	18. Chapter 18

**ACertainJustice****: Yes they were…but you know how the two of them are.**

**AnaDry****: Nothing bad with Beck? Um…**

**one-six****: lol I laughed so hard when I read your comment. I'm glad you are getting involved in the plot. It is a huge compliment…as for nothing stupid with Beck…see above. :)**

**Little People****: Welcome! I am glad you like it. I don't know if Casey will be in the next chapter but if not then definitely the one after that. **

**lilyjane****: Thanks. I was trying to convey how I look at the EO relationship…I don't see it. Lol**

Another silent car ride. This one, however, wasn't fused with worry but with tension. Neither woman had forgotten what had transpired the night before. Beck had come on to Alex…and now Alex was in the car alone with her. She was driving who knows where with a woman with a non platonic interest in her while her lover was crumbling in a sterile hell.

She wanted to feel guilty, but every time the emotion threatened to surface, so did Liv's words. She felt herself fuming in her seat. How dare she? Beck took notice,

"She was brutal." Alex responded instinctively,

"She is under a lot of stress…with Elliot and…all." She was about to say with the blond detective, barely catching herself. She was surprised that she was still defending Olivia. It was an impulse, to defend her. Whether Beck was surprised or not was hard to tell, she just shook her head and returned her eyes to the road.

They stopped at a small apartment complex twenty minutes later. Alex felt her pulse quicken. She didn't realize that Beck was going to take her back to her place. She glanced up at Beck apprehensively and was met with a hasty explanation,

"Sorry but we need to stop here so I can change." She gestured half-heartedly at the blood soiled clothes adorning her body. Alex nodded. In and out. She could handle that. On entering the small apartment situated on the 7th floor, Alex felt a sense of the forbidden. If Liv knew….she shook her head in annoyance she wasn't going to think about her. A wonderful theory…the execution somewhat lacking.

Dani gestured for her to make herself comfortable as she headed into the bedroom. Dani? When had that happened? The apartment was small and simplistic. The furniture was dark and correlated nicely with the rich purple walls. It was practical and ascetically acceptable nothing more. Alex was reminded of Olivia's apartment before she had spruced it up. It was nice but could belong to anyone. It seemed that Dani, like Liv, only used her apartment to crash after a tough case…she didn't really _live_ there.

Dani returned in a form fitting blouse and black slacks. Alex felt her eyes roam against her will; what was wrong with her? A voice interrupted her self inquiry,

"Want something to drink?" So much for in and out. Alex felt the response tumble out of her mouth before she could even consider the implications of the question.

"Scotch." Dani smirked but headed obligingly to the kitchen. Alex groaned. She was having scotch at her lover's enemy's apartment at 7am in the morning. She felt like a character in one of those horror movies. Everyone in the audience knows that they shouldn't do it but are unable to stop them from doing it anyway. Dani returned with a generous serving of scotch. She took it eagerly, relishing the burn as it hit the back of her throat. She was perfectly content with a liquid breakfast.

Alex suspected that Dani wondered why she didn't ask what happened to Elliot. Or why she had been covered in his blood. The truth was she didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about it. Not about Liv, the hospital, her issues. All she wanted to concentrate on was the clink of the ice cubes in her glass, the pleasant burn, and Dani. She was now feeling surprisingly at ease in the apartment. She knew it wasn't the scotch because she had barely started her consumption.

No, there was something about her. That broken quality she knew all to well. That flickering candle behind one's eyes… always on the verge of being blown out either by another or a sudden gust of wind. She didn't know what it was but something had personally tainted her. All cops are tainted by the horrors they witness day in and day out, but this was something that had shaken the woman to the core. They all were impure. Liv, Dani, herself. The world was malicious, and one had to fight for the simplest of pleasures.

Maybe that was all Dani wanted. To have that connection. To feel wanted. Alex had found that in Olivia…but now she wasn't so sure. A burden? Who wants a burden? Collapsing into an armchair in the living room Alex kicked off her heels and put her feet onto the coffee table. Cradling her scotch in one hand and her head in the other she let out a ragged sigh.

She could feel Dani's eyes on her. They were a match to her gasoline infused temperament. She wasn't sure when her scotch had replenished itself, and she found she didn't care. The living room was silent apart from the click of their glasses, her scotch and Dani's vodka. She could faintly hear PJ Harvey's low soothing voice crooning in the background. Dani must have turned on the stereo.

The atmosphere could be easily seen as romantic, the only thing hindering this conclusion was that both women were trying to drink away their troubles. Alex her issues with herself and Liv, Dani the trauma of Elliot's shooting and most likely whatever it was that made the light in her eyes waver.

Alex looked to meet Dani's eyes from under the covering of her golden tresses. Tucking the offending hairs behind her ears, she saw herself reflected back at her. They were in opposite armchairs separated by the oak coffee table. No words were necessary; they both knew that they were each tortured souls, and that the day's events were only the entrance to the rabbit hole. The fall in which made them constantly grasp for sanity.

Dani slowly rose to her feet and sauntered over to Alex's armchair. She offered the woman a hand and Alex reluctantly took it. Dani's pull was overpowering for the thin ADA and she tumbled into the detective's arms. After steadying her, Dani's hands moved from her forearms down to her hips. Their faces were now centimeters apart. Alex was breathing rapidly and not from her near meeting with the floor.

"I shouldn't." Alex was shocked as her voice came out as a hoarse whisper. Her resolve was weak; she wanted to be wanted again. Dani smiled forlornly,

"No, you shouldn't." Their lips met, not in a passionate frenzy, but in a slow needy kiss. They kissed more than lips; their tongues were trying to taste each other's souls. Taste the pain through the vodka and scotch. Alex's hands locked into the tangled web of hair as Dani's massaged her hips. Alex pulled away her lips already red from the intensity of the kiss.

"I really shouldn't." Dani didn't object. She didn't say a word. She just smiled in resignation and watched Alex flee from the apartment.

Alex poured into the street let out a groan. What had she just done? No…she knew what she did. What was she going to do now? There was no way she was going back in there, she couldn't go to Liv's place, and she was in no condition to see Frank. She was grateful that it had at least stopped raining. She hailed a cab. A half an hour later she was in front of yet another apartment building.

She trudged up the steps until she reached her desired destination. Heaving a sigh she ran her hands through her hair; she knew she looked like a train wreck. She knocked quietly on the door, hating her vulnerability. The door swung open and she was greeted by a cheery blond,

"Alex?"

"Serena."


	19. Chapter 19

**A.N Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been out of state and isolated from the internet…skiing! Now every muscle in my body is sore…more from falling than skiing…lol. I have to say I was shocked by the last chapter. I have never gotten so many reviews for one chapter before. Thank you all so much for your support!**

**ShadowCub: Indeed it is:) **

**ACertainJustice: Of course! I couldn't kill the relationship like that…as a AO lover that would be a heinous crime! ;) **

**AnaDry: Way out of line…but I expected no less from her. (I don't like her…if you haven't got that yet lol)**

**liv-it-up-love:  a small dose was all I could stand to write! Icky. And as for bringing them together…see my response to ACertainJustice. **

**One-six: Uh…no. Nice try though haha**

**LittlePeople:Thank you! Sorry for the delay.**

**Lilyjane: You like Serena? I always liked her…I wonder how you feel about this chap…mysterious We should start a Beck hating club! And go Aussies! Lol**

**Anyway Read Enjoy and Review!**

There was an awkward moment between the two blonds. Neither of them had seen each other in a few years, but they had been close. Serena was swathed in a deep red satin robe and obvious bed hair.

"Are you coming back to bed dear?" Alex silently corrected herself; Serena had just-been-fucked hair. Alex suddenly felt embarrassed. She hadn't meant to interrupt her old friend's afternoon delight.

"Oh Serena I'm sorry, I'll just be going." Serena saw the distressed look on her friend's face and quickly squashed all explanations,

"No come on in…" When Alex hesitated she took out her strict lawyer tone,

"I insist."

Alex slowly walked in and watched Ser saunter back in the direction she assumed led to the bedroom. She could faintly hear Serena whispering to some other woman,

"I'm sorry sweetie but my friend really needs me." She didn't catch the whispered response, but it was hard to miss Serena talking,

"No old friend not lover. Yes she is blond." More whispering.

"Please? I'll make it up to you." Muttering…it seemed a deal was being made. Alex wondered if Serena's girl was a lawyer when she heard the next line.

"The cuffs? Those are mine." She could hear Serena's whine, "Fine." A few seconds later a blond woman walked out in a clearly thrown on outfit. She kissed Serena on the cheek before turning around. Alex gasped.

Her shocked expression turned into a smirk. This was definitely interesting. A lawyer indeed. Serena wiles had snared none other than Casey Novak. Now it was Casey's turn to be surprised. Apparently she didn't know that she was the blond to which Serena was referring.

Serena watched the whole thing, her eyes alight with amusement. "You two know each other?" Silence reigned for a moment as Alex found that there were far too many blonds in one room,

"Yes. We work SVU together." Well technically they hadn't worked together yet, but Alex was looking forward to it now. Casey was beet red.

"Well I am going to go shopping; I'll be back in a few hours." Serena nodded her Cheshire cat grin a bit annoying to both of the other women. As Casey was walking out Serena called out to her,

"Remember what we talked about." Casey didn't stop or turn around she just responded over her shoulder,

"No purple or green suits. Got it!" With a slam the two old friends were left alone and Alex was reminded of what had transpired. In order to prolong the confession she knew was coming she decided to snoop a little.

"So you and Novak? How long?" Ser smiled dreamily as she collapsed in the chair opposite of Alex,

"8 months….but hey you are the one turning up on my doorstep looking like hell with a secret." Alex paused and began to wring her hands nervously,

"Well…I made a mistake…okay I've made a lot of mistakes. God everything is so screwed up." Serena cut in,

"You didn't sleep with McCoy did you?" Alex shook her head confused,

"Sorry. Gay or not, you're an ADA and I had to ask." Alex nodded and let out a deep breath, the last one before the plunge.

"You know I am with Liv." Serena nodded impatiently,

"Yep. You were with her…you were shot…dead…then not dead…gone again…and now apparently back. Which by the way, you are explaining ignored the outburst. She was quite used to it with Serena,

"Well Elliot was shot…" Serena knew to keep quiet but she did become considerably paler at this news,

"So Olivia was out of sorts. We went to the hospital and Liv saw Beck in the waiting room…covered in Elliot's blood."

"Beck?"

"Liv's replacement as Elliot's partner."

"Ouch." Alex nodded distractedly; Serena, god bless her soul, was absorbing all this knowledge with a lawyer's fervor.

"So they get into it and I try and intervene." Serena's grimaces at the picture and nodded sympathetically,

"Hindsight's a bitch." Alex decided to dwell in the simplicity of the statement later and plow on,

"Right so as you have already deduced Liv tore into me. I was already on edge because we were in the hospital where I had been taken and pronounced 'dead', and she starts blaming me. Saying if I hadn't been such a burden she would have been there for him." Another grimace.

"And I come back asking if Elliot would even want her guarding his back." Serena jumped to her feet,

"Pause…some liquid comfort is unquestionably required for this narrative. Rum and tonic with lime?" Alex agreed although her body was asking what the hell she was thinking.

Once they were situated again, now with something to ease them through, Alex continued. She explained how she had accepted a ride from Beck, after she had previously put moves on her. How they had ended up at Beck's apartment. How she had wanted to hurt Liv as much as she had hurt her. She even described the peculiar look on Beck's face as she took off. Once she was finished, her drink was nothing but a few melting cubes.

Serena sunk back into her chair and silently observed Alex's dejected face and slumped shoulders. A broken woman. She silently wondered how many times she could be put back together before the pieces failed to fit.

"Alexandra." Her face was serious but warm; a small comfort to Alex.

"The heated words in the hospital are not an issue. Those were served blow to blow and can be easily rectified with some effort. The issue isn't whether you want to be together. Liv is head over heels for you, always has been. Your current attitude and the fact that you resisted temptation even when you were at your most vulnerable speak volumes of your feelings for Olivia."

Alex interrupted, "But I kissed her!" Serena glared at Alex in a way that reminded her eerily of Petrovsky. Dutifully she shut up and allowed Ser to continue,

"A kiss? Come on that his hardly yielding to temptation. Hell Lex we've kissed. Doesn't mean we were about to jump into the sack with each other. No offence; I'm sure you're a great lay." Alex reddened not only at her old despised nickname, that only Ser and her father could get away with, but at the bluntness which never ceased to amaze her.

"The real issue is the Beck fiasco and its consequences. I am not going to coddle you; it will take a lot of time and finesse. But you two lovebirds are made for each other."

"But…" Serena held up a hand to squash all protests,

"You are exhausted and have had far too much alcohol." Alex scoffed and Ser smiled acceptingly,

"Much of which is my fault, and thus you are going to retire to our guest room." Alex paused at the obvious implication of "our",

"Are you sure Casey won't mind?" Serena laughed and shook her head,

"I think she would rather you sleep it off here than show up at the precinct hung over." Alex nodded, seeing the logic. She couldn't resist teasing her Ser for getting to her earlier,

"And if she has any objections she does have the cuffs right?" Serena winked,

"Yeah she snatched them off of Benson." Alex's eyes widened before she was Ser burst out laughing,

"Sorry Lex but you will have to try harder than that to make me lose composure."

Thanks to the wonders of alcohol, Alex was soon immersed in dreamless sleep. But not before wondering about the circus tomorrow would bring at the precinct.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: **_I am sorry it has been awhile. I had a major writer's block which left my mind completely incompetent from even typing out my name. Thanks for all of your support!_**

_**Gigi**_

**Qt4good: Thank you. I am glad you liked it. I always loved Serena's humourous attitude. I don't think you have reviewed me before…thank you for doing so!**

**Lilyjane: Well it is fun to surprise people every so often. Plus I think they work well together. :)**

**Who-will-change-the-world: I think this is the first review for you too. THANKS! It means a lot to me. I hope you can go that would be amazing!**

**AnaDry: I know It has been awhile sorry…major case of writer's block.**

**liv-it-up-love: I thought they were cute together. I hope this first section of the "precinct fiasco" lives up to your expectations.**

**Little People: Sorry you don't see the Casey Alex interaction until the next chapter. I hope you like it anyway.**

The bustle of sterilized doctors and nurses awoke her slightly before dawn. The blaring fluorescents quickly shook away any remnants of sleep. Her eyelids strained to open and Liv wondered for a second if she had been drinking. Alas it was much worse than a simple hangover. She was jolted back into the whirlwind of events that had transpired within the last 24 hours. She had made love to Alex: found out Elliot was shot, fought with Beck and blew up at her girlfriend. No wonder she felt like shit.

Standing up against the protests of her sore muscles she found that she wasn't the only one using Elliot's room as a makeshift hotel suite. Kathy was sprawled out in a chair, identical to Liv's, across the room. Blond locks blocked her face but there was no doubting who she was. Olivia glanced at the clock ticking incessantly on the wall. Shit. Looking down at her rumpled attire she resigned to the fact that she would have to go work in them.

Liv looked at Kathy by Elliot's side and remembered nostalgically back when the woman had been jealous of her. That idea had changed abruptly at one of Elliot's famous barbecue's a few years back…

_"Tell me why we have to arrive separately again?" Alex was leaning against Olivia's back and whining petulantly into her ear. Liv shook her head at Alex's childish attitude and tried to ignore the blonde's hot breath against her neck,_

_"Because the squad doesn't know we are together yet…don't you think us showing up together might seem a tad bit odd?" Alex huffed and nestled her nose into Liv's hair. She knew it got to her and enjoyed torturing her so._

_"You can say my car broke down…or you have become an environmentalist and have become a carpooler." Olivia snorted,_

_"No way then Munch would constantly be trying to mooch off rides." Olivia could feel Alex's smirk against her neck,_

_"And that would impede dramatically in our extra curricular activities." Liv nodded adamantly and congratulated herself on winning a debate with Alex. That was the only way she could win, appeal to something hampering the lawyer's sex drive. _

_They had arrived separately, and Alex's disgruntled mood vanished instantly at the aroma of Elliot's kabobs. A while later Liv wandered into the kitchen to grab a beer. The prospect of alcohol was soon driven from her mind as she felt a familiar pair of hands wrap themselves around her waist and spin her._

_Liv found herself smashed against the fridge and held firmly in place by Alex's fervent lips. Liv opened her mouth in a groan and felt Alex's tongue dive in indomitably at the opportunity. Grasping aimlessly for some resolve or logic she tore her lips away,_

_"Alex…middle of Elliot's kitchen." Alex's eyes gleamed mischievously as they took in Olivia's reddened mouth._

_"That is what makes it all the more fun." Liv marveled at Alex's ability to remain fluid at all times. Soon they resumed their impromptu and precarious make out session. They were torn apart by the shatter of glass._

_Jumping apart as if electrocuted they twirled around to the wide eyes of none other than Kathy Stabler. Her lemonade now forgotten as it seeped across the tile floor. Kathy didn't say a word…she just turned around and fled from the room. Once the couple was left alone they turned to each other and spoke together,_

_"Shit." And then to each other's surprise, they began to laugh. A rib shaking guffaw that brought them both two their knees. _

They had waited a few minutes before coming out and sitting down to eat with the rest of the squad. Kathy had gathered her composure. Halfway though their meal, Kathy casually asked how long they'd been together. She apparently assumed that the squad had known. The table would have been a perfect example for medical interns to practice the Heimlich on.

Liv slipped out quietly so as not to disturb the pair. She arrived at the precinct just in time to grab the last cup of Munch's sludge. Hearing heated whispers she turned sharply at the sound. She saw Alex and Beck leaving the interrogation room. Alex's facial expression was masked in ice, but her eyes were not. They were ablaze. Beck looked a mixture between smug and acquiescent.

They were standing in the doorway. Their faces were inches apart, and there was a familiarity about them. That vibe people give off around each other when personal bubbles become void. Olivia didn't want to wonder why they were comfortable in each other's personal space…but she did. The detective in her wouldn't let her ignore it.

And so she watched. She stood there in the middle of the precinct and stared. They were gesturing and Alex looked awkward but determined. Liv cursed the busy squad room for making it impossible for her to catch what they were saying. She was interrupted from her snooping by a tap on her shoulder,

"Green isn't a good colour for you Benson." She turned around to face Munch, well his chest anyways. Looking up she sent him one of the glares she reserved solely for his skinny ass.

"Not right now Munch." She tried to turn back to the previous object of her attentions but Munch wasn't ready to give up yet. In fact, Olivia had the sinking feeling that he was just getting his feet wet.

"Ah, but now seems like the perfect time…well as good a time as any." Munch pushed Olivia away from the two blonds still standing nose to nose in the interrogation room doorway.

"You my friend are having women problems. And I have had plenty of experience with women." Liv snorted,

"I am not sure having 4 ex-wives is something to boast about." Munch grasped at his heart in mock offense,

"You wound me. I got four women to marry me didn't I?"

"You're right that is a miracle." Their bickering was interrupted by a sudden crash. Both detectives were met by an unbelievable sight. The great Alex Cabot, 10 feet tall and bullet proof had been knocked flat on her ass by some green detective. Papers fell from everywhere, covering the floor in a blanket of legal documents.

Alex, once fallen made no sign of trying to get up. She just sat there, eyes wide, watching the detective jumping ridiculously into the air fruitlessly trying to grab at the papers.

Other detectives ceased whatever they were doing to watch Cabot rip into the poor newbie. It was dangerous to confront her, knocking her and her expensive suit to the ground was another matter all together. The entire squad room had gone quiet, sans the light flapping of falling paper. Even Captain came out of his cave to see what was going on.

It started off softly, a low noise unmistakably coming from the ADA. Then the sound started to grow. Alex was laughing. No, that would be an understatement. Alex was giggling out of control. Her hands were clutching her sides as she shook from the intensity of her laughter.

Liv was suddenly thrown back to the day in Elliot's kitchen. The beauty of that laughter. The glimpse of an unguarded Cabot, something she treasured above all else. A lighter side untainted by the horrors they saw everyday. Unwittingly she felt all of her anger seep away. In the end the words she said didn't matter. It was Alex, always had been and always would be.

Stepping forward Liv approached the lawyer, still shaking from her guffaws. Reaching out a hand she waited for Alex to look up. She did. The laughter stopped. Alex silently took the offered hand and rose to her feet. Olivia could hear the commotion return to the precinct.

"We need to talk don't we?" Alex gave a small smile and nodded,

"We do."

During this incident Beck had planted herself in Cragen's office. When the Captain came back in, he nodded. He wasn't surprised. The paper on his desk said it all. Beck's resignation, she was transferring away from SVU. No one lasted long in this unit, but something told Cragen that it wasn't the job that drove this one away.

"Mind me asking why?" Beck gave a small smug smile and looked in the direction of the squad room,

"I think this unit is enough like 'The L Word' without throwing me into the mix." And with that she turned and walked away. Leaving the Captain to wonder,

"What in the blazes is the "L Word?"


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: I know it had been a vvveeerrrryyy long time since I last updated. I am sorry. My life has been chaotic. I hope you forgive me and read enjoy and review!**

**Waffle's Very Happy.: Thanks I like to add a bit of humour amidst all of the drama. **

**Little People****: I hope so too…I know I shouldn't be saying that as the author, but I am but a slave to the will of the plot.**

**ACertainJustice****: lol Well thanks for the review nevertheless. :)**

**CSISVUTWFBgurl****: Thanks! Considering you wrote this review for chapter one..I'd say you have a lot yet to read. Lol**

**AnaDry****: Thanks…sorry for the wait.**

**lilyjane****: Thank you! And I am glad that line was a hit…it was a late night unexpected addition.**

**chawkchic****: Wow. Thank you. That was what I was trying to portray. They can both be so strong and yet weak at the same time; I figured the same should apply to them as a couple.**

The two of them walked in silence to a café a few blocks away from the precinct. Liv was surprised how easily Dad had agreed to give her some "personal time." Cragen had just nodded his head with a dazed expression and muttered something about the letter "L."

The hum of the city paled in comparison to the racket in her conflicted mind. She knew they had to talk, but she didn't know where to begin. She didn't even know if she wanted to have all the answers.

Olivia used her peripheral vision to watch Alex. Something was off. Liv watched Alex's confident stride and listened to the calming clanking of the stilettos hitting the pavement. Her jaw fell slack. She knew what it was. Alex was fighting a hangover. She could see it clearly now, the sight squint of the ADA as she tried to avoid the sun's rays, the small crinkle at the bridge of her nose as she tried to disguise the characteristic morning-after headache.

Liv felt guilt oozing from her pores. Alex only turned to the booze when she had lost a particularly difficult case, lost the victim, or when they had a heated spat. Since Alex had yet to be given her first case….that left her. She thought back to the hospital, remembering for the first time the distress on the blonde's face. It hadn't been over Elliot. She cursed herself for being so blind, the hospital.

Alex had been a dutiful girlfriend and friend in accompanying her to the very hospital where she had been pronounced "dead." Not only that but in the same wing. Alex threw herself into the troubling memories for her, and what did she do? She blew up in her face.

Glancing back at the woman who meant the most in the world to her, she felt the urge to grab her hands and tell her she was sorry. But she couldn't. There was something stopping her, Beck. No more than three minutes after Alex had run off, Beck had followed. Then this morning they were acting strange around each other. Olivia knew that Alex hadn't had money for a cab, although she had been too distraught and angry to care at the time. Liv's detective skills were reeling at all the evidence, circumstantial without a witness. Beck was out of the question, so Alex would have to do.

Liv knew these answers would have to be sought warily. Alex knew her detective techniques. Olivia would have to be a girlfriend, not a cop.

They took refuge in a small booth in the back. After placing meager orders to shoo the gum snapping waitress away, they turned to each other. Silence. Alex began to fidget. First she rearranged the salt and pepper shakers. Starting with the pepper on her side… then the salt. Once that life altering decision had been made she began to organize the sugar from the Sweet-And-Low.

"Alex." Alex's nimble fingers froze, still clutching the offending condiments. Alex's eyebrow hitched waiting for her to continue,

"What happened between you and Beck?" The sugar packets fell onto the table forgotten. Alex's shoulders sagged as she began to rehash the tale. Olivia listened. Her muscles in her jaw twitched painfully as she fought the urge to interrupt, to scream out in protest, but she could tell that if she tried to stop Alex, even for a second…the rest of the story might never come. So she kept quiet, her back unnaturally erect, body tense.

Alex's voice was shaking by the time her narrative reached Beck's apartment, but her face was still strong. Olivia knew the line well, _"Cabots don't cry." _Her mind was bouncing from one thought to another, the absorption of knowledge overwhelming. She was deciding which to do first, shoot Beck, buy Serena a muffin basket (who doesn't love muffins?), or seek out Novak to see if she could make her as red as her hair used to be. Shoot Beck definitely.

After what felt like an eternity to both women, the whole mess had been told. Again their table was immersed in silence. And once again Liv knew that she was going to be the one who had to break it. Unfortunately talking was Alex's forte not hers.

"Wow. I don't know what to say. I feel as if my heart has been stolen by an illegal search and dissected in a cross-examination. But I suppose I would be a hypocrite if I didn't accept it." An awkward calm fell over the pair; they had mutually agreed to leave that in the past…unspoken but never truly forgotten.

_It had been a rough case. Alex wasn't speaking to her. Olivia had sided with Elliot over her in what needed to be done. Elliot's way did get the collar, but the victim had committed suicide and Alex was fuming. She had told them that the girl hadn't been ready. She said that she needed more time to prepare her to testify. _

_But Elliot had pushed. They needed to get him. Olivia had agreed, she had known him longer…and what did a lawyer know about the breaking point. She wasn't out there with the victims. _

_Olivia's glass was drained for the umpteenth time that night. The bar was quiet; it was past the hours of merriment. Anyone who still remained did so to drown themselves in the hopes of becoming numb. Olivia had yet to shake her guilt. She had pushed…even after what had happened with Cavanaugh. She knew that it still grated on Alex's conscience. She just hoped that Alex would throw all the blame on her and avoid any of its backlashes, but she knew better. _

_In the midst of her self loathing, an attractive redhead had taken the stool beside hers. She was the exact opposite of Alex, uninteresting, vain, and self-conscious. Olivia still wasn't sure how she ended up with her tongue down the woman's throat. Nor how she had fled the bar…after paying her large tab and ended up at Alex's apartment. _

_She did remember Alex holding her as she spent the night over the toilet. She distinctly remembered Alex's soothing fingers running through her hair as she whispered soft comforts into her ear. They slept on the rug in the bathroom. She wasn't sure when during this night she confessed…but Alex didn't stop comforting her. _

_An incredible testament to the unimaginably caring person Alexandra Cabot, the ice queen, really was. Even after admitting to kissing some other woman, she didn't stop soothing her. Olivia woke up the next morning expecting a huge fight, but none came. Alex was quiet, but she never spoke of it. Liv almost wished she would yell and scream. It was better than the disappointed look she kept receiving for the next few months. _

_It was never mentioned…but never forgotten._

Olivia sighed and grabbed Alex's hand,

"Let's go."


	22. Chapter 22

**Little People****: I'm glad you liked it. They do seem to have trouble keeping their lips to themselves. Lol.**

**ACertainJustice****: Of course she forgave her…this is Alex Cabot:)**

Alex strutted down the hall to Casey's office. She had received a message to meet her there to discuss a case. Usually she would have been pissed off at the assumed authoritive tone in the message, but two things stopped this.

For one she was too thrilled at the idea of taking on her first case since her return, and also at the prospect of teasing her new colleague mercilessly. Normally, her professionalism would prevent this…but this was Serena's girlfriend, and her old replacement. That was too good to pass up.

She arrived right on time. Knocking she heard a muffled "come in." Stepping in, Alex's grin reached Cheshire cat proportions. This was too easy. Casey was fumbling around her desk, appearing to be looking for some papers, while it was apparent that she was just trying to avoid making eye contact with the blonde.

"Casey?" Her tone was fairly neutral, with only a hint of sing-song teasing. Casey plopped down in her chair and looked up. A scowl appeared as she saw Alex smiling face,

"Shouldn't this be awkward for you too? I replaced you, and I heard you discussing a spat you had with your girlfriend." If possible this just made Alex's grin grow,

"Cabots aren't easily unnerved." Casey's eyes narrowed, apparently that wasn't going to be sufficient.

"I was not the one being outed. Nor was I the one overheard discussing who gets to use the cuffs." The last part was said mid chuckle as Casey began to turn red.

"You weren't the first in the precinct to find out." Alex cocked an eyebrow, admittedly she was surprised. To her pleasure Casey became even more flushed,

"Munch asked me out. I politely refused, but Serena wasn't happy with that."

_Munch was sitting at his desk after hours. Everyone else had gone home, but he wasn't looking forward to leaving. What did he have to go home to? His "X-Files" DVDs and blow-up doll? The clanking of heels interrupted him from his self pity party. _

_A blonde blew into the squad room with a determined and quite frightening look on her face._

_"Serena?" This wasn't her precinct. He only knew the woman from a few mutual friends on the force. Briscoe had mentioned the flaming liberal a few times; he said she had spunk. Munch thought fire was a better description judging by the look on her face._

_"You asked out Casey." Munch nodded his head slowly. Serena was standing above his chair. Munch had the sudden feeling he had been caught with his hand in the ADA cookie jar, but was unsure as to why. All he could do was nod. The great Detective John Munch had been struck silent. Serena's hair was licking the base of her collar like flames._

_"She's mine." Munch's jaw fell so far he would later dedicate a conspiracy to the event. Serena and Casey. Munch fought the urge to think about it. Two fiery blonde ADA's…he was a man after all. Serena had said something else, but though his hormone induced haze he was completely missed it. He could guess._

_"Understood." Serena nodded victoriously. Four wives had gifted him some insight onto the women species. Serena gave him a half smile and turned to walk out of the room. Munch finally regained full use of his voice,_

_"Hey Serena?" She turned to look at him questionably. _

_"Can I watch?" The classic Munch shit-eating grin firmly in place. Serena to his surprise winked and called out something over her shoulder. _

_"Maybe if you bring the cuffs." Munch shook his head and grabbed his coat,_

_"Blow up doll here I come." _

Alex was clutching helplessly at her sides as she leaned against the door for support. Casey was even laughing slightly at the tale. She remembered being horrified when Serena had come home that night and told her, but she soon made her forget her worries.

Munch to his credit, never spoke a word about the incident, but she caught him zoning off on her a few times when she was discussing a case with the rest of the squad.

"So that is how you guys got the cuffs." Casey was now as red as the shirt Alex loved on Liv, the one that pulled the buttons relentlessly across her chest. Alex pulled herself together and took pity on the poor woman.

"Want some coffee?" Casey smiled and grabbed her briefcase. Alex assumed it contained the information about the case they would be discussing. Casey nodded vigorously at the supposed escape from teasing. Alex wasn't quite done,

"So tell me, how is Serena in bed?" Casey didn't blink this time,

"I'll tell you if you tell me about Olivia." Laughing the two women left in search of a caffeine fix. Maybe this partnership wouldn't be so bad after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**.All.Am3rican.****: Thank you very much. I think this is the first time you have reviewed me…so extra thanks!**

**lilyjane****: Thanks and I am glad!**

**Little People****: I wanted to give you something light before diving back into drama and suspense. :)**

**piecesofyourheart****: Bow? Are you barking? Are you telling me to bow? Was that supposed to be wow? I love to analyze sorry. Thanks! **

**AnaDry****: I always thought the two of them would get along that is one of the reasons I can tolerate Casey.**

**ACertainJustice****: I wanted something happy before…well read and see. **

**chawkchic****: The duo? That would make an interesting chapter. We will see how close our lovebirds really are soon…hint hint. Lol **

He hadn't thought that she could look more beautiful. He was wrong. Stiletto heels reverberated throughout the courtroom as everyone fell under her spell. Her blond hair fluttered lightly against her suit jacket as she twirled around the room. It was a dance; her steps and gestures timed perfectly with every word that rolled off her skilled tongue.

When he watched her, it seemed that everything was right in the world. But he hadn't forgotten. He had shot Elliot in hopes that the detective bitch would go to his side and create a rip in their relationship. Then he could trot back in and come to her rescue.

But no…there was a rip and his love ran off and went to some other woman detective's apartment. Thankfully she didn't stay long. She stormed out looking quite upset and he almost approached her then, but she got in a taxi and went to another woman's place. An ADA as he found out. Two ADA's. That made him feel a tad bit better. At least they were already a couple and she wouldn't be cheating on him with yet another woman.

Twisting violently on the wooden bench in the courtroom he reeled in the moment when he had found out that she and the detective had made amends. She was his! How did she forget? He was not a forgettable man. He knew she must dream about him. He saw the deep circles under her eyes when she first arrived in New York. She was unable to sleep without him. Looking at the blond now, he saw that almost all the circles had disappeared. The woman was taking his place.

Closing Arguments were finished. Damn. He had missed his favourite part. The closing arguments were the most passionate, where he saw a little deeper into the enigma which was his love. He knew the drill well, as he stood up to slip out of the courtroom. He had been watching her prosecute since she had started taking cases with the other blond ADA a few weeks ago.

To his surprise his love did something unexpected. She always turned to her suitcase to pack up her files, and then she would turn and look at the defense and defendant. This time, however, she looked up while packing her files…and froze. The files fell from her hand forgotten. She had seen him.

He wanted to go to her tell her why he had come, but he wasn't ready yet. He had plans and he wasn't about to abandon them. Seeing the complete and utter shock on her face he ran out of the courtroom. He would have to act fast.

No. No. No. It couldn't be him. It couldn't, but it was. She would never forget his face. He haunted her dreams…his voice taunting her with a sickening honey sweet voice. "My love…darling…Hun." She felt her stomach fall and had the sudden urge to throw up. She grabbed her briefcase and darted out of the room. As soon as she was in her office she ripped out her cell phone in a panicked fury and began to dial.

"Frank?" Some unintelligible gurgling came through the line in response. It was before noon, he was of course sleeping. She knew how to get his attention.

"He's back." She could distinctly hear Frank shoot up out of bed and curse,

"You sure?" Alex ran her hands through her hair nervously and scanned her still bare office. Olivia had tried to make it more welcoming by hanging a few pictures and buying some bizarre statue that eerily reminded Alex of Dante's Inferno.

"Yes." She could hardly speak. Her career relied on her influence over words and her quick thinking, and yet her tongue seemed to be trying to hide behind her tonsils. This reminded Alex of her need to throw up. She didn't hear what Frank said next because she had darted towards the wastebasket to try and keep her breakfast off of the newly carpeted floor.

Wiping her mouth she picked up the phone once more,

"What was that?"

"I said that we should tell Liv." Alex knew he was being serious because he had called Olivia by her name, for one of the first times. Alex hesitated,

"Easier said than done." Frank groaned loudly,

"You haven't told her anything have you?" Alex winced at the disappointed tone and remembered that Frank was her nurse and shrink…he was obviously disappointed in the lack of progress.

"There was enough drama without adding my issues to the fray thank you very much." Frank heard the low calorie version of what had transpired over the last few weeks.

"Well your issues have come to seek you out so you are going to have to tell her and soon. You know what he is capable of." Alex nodded oblivious to the fact that Frank could not see it. Frank plowed on seeing that Alex needed to be pulled along by the hand.

"Go see Olivia at the precinct, drag her out telling her that you have to talk. Bring her to the apartment and spill your guts…" Alex gagged at the last line,

"Don't leave that apartment, I'll swing by the apartment later and we will come up with a game plan." Alex just nodded again.

"Alex?"

"Hmm."

"We're going to protect you; you know Olivia will have your back." Alex muttered thanks and hung up. She knew Liv would have her back…but who would have Liv's?


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: 102 Reviews...wow. Do you realize how incredible that is? I just wanted to thank you...all of you. Not just the reviewers that I thank in the beginning of each chapter, but all of those other hits I see each day. Those hits which have now grown a mere 100 away from 10,000. Every single one of you are the reason I keep writing...thank you. **

**Gigi**

**Little People: ****Are you ready to find out who he is? Let's see if your stab was correct. ;)**

**AnaDry:**** I know that some people think they would be rivals but for some reason I see them getting along.**

**Almostfast: Thank you for reviewing and I am updating:)**

**ACertainJustice:**** Of course then it would be dull. Lol.**

**liv-it-up-love:**** I hope you still love where this story is going! That is a huge compliment, I don't deserve it but I am immensely flattered nevertheless. I am pleased that you like my stories… that means a lot to me!**

Olivia could feel the tension and apprehension wafting off of Alex the moment she stepped into the precinct. At first Liv wondered whether something with their latest case had gone wrong, until Alex locked eyes with hers. She knew that look; it was the same frightened child she would see in those deep azure eyes after Alex awoke from a nightmare. Something told her that the nightmare had come to call.

Rushing over to Alex, Olivia deftly steered her away from everyone, knowing that Alex would hate it if she lost face in front of the gang. "Cabots don't cry." It was a mantra drilled into the woman's brain from infancy. Olivia ushered the shaking ADA into and empty interrogation room and left in search of Cragen.

She found him in his office, sorting through a river of papers.

"Cap?" Olivia didn't know why she was hesitating; she had plenty of vacation time saved up. Perhaps she was afraid that he would see through her and know that it had something to do with Alex. Fathers- or father figures as the case may be- seemed to have that eerie sixth sense.

"Hmm." Good he was distracted; maybe she would get away without drawing attention,

"I need some personal time." The captain's eyes shot up and narrowed…or not.

"Any particular reason?"

"Personal matters." Liv congratulated herself on being vague without lying. Cragen nodded his head after a moment of contemplation and Olivia turned with a sigh to the door,

"Alex?" Liv froze with her hand on the door knob. Luckily Cragen wasn't expecting an answer,

"Go tend to your woman. We need her around to keep both you and Novak's wardrobe in check." Even under the circumstances Liv had to muffle a snicker when leaving the room as she heard him muttering,

"Lime green suits…and they say lawyers are smart."

Darting through the squad room Liv quickly was back at the empty interrogation room. Upon entering she felt her stomach fall painfully. It was like a flashback; Alex was huddled together rocking slowly back and forth. She was closing down. The difference was that she had sought her out. Olivia needed to get her back to their apartment.

The ride home was fairly uneventful. Alex never said a word; she only looked out the back window periodically. Liv had a bad feeling that she was expecting to see something, or someone.

After what felt like an eternity Liv finally managed to get them both to the apartment and Alex onto the couch. At last Alex spoke,

"I need to tell you." Liv knew exactly to what she was referring but had a hard time believing it. Why now? Alex seemed to find it difficult to make eye contact, focusing her eyes instead at the small picture of them on the end table. Alex's voice only wavered slightly as she continued,

"After the trial I had to be ushered into a new identity, Cynthia Johnson. They sent me to Tacoma, Washington-arguably as far from New York City as one can get without leaving the country. I was a corporate lawyer. They thought they were doing me a favour by letting me become a lawyer, but it sickened me. Rich egotistical tyrants whining about the retribution the little guy was trying to get out of them. I felt like Trevor Langdon, slick and friend to the devil." Olivia knew that Alex was building the background in order to stall. She wanted to gather her thoughts and prepare herself, or rather prepare Liv.

"It was bearable, empty but I was alive." But then one night I was awoken by Agent Hammond." Liv could feel Alex pulling away as she fell into the memory, taking her along for the ride.

_"Wake up Miss Cabot!" Alex shot out of bed and fell gracelessly to the carpeted floor of her bedroom. Agent Hammond loomed over her with a look of unease on his face. _

_"What is it?" Alex found herself whispering, although she wasn't sure why. Whispering seemed to be the right course of action when talking to someone who wakes you up urgently in the middle of the night. Agent Hammond didn't respond at first, looking instead through the blinds of the window at the pavement below. Tacoma seemed unusually quiet that night, especially considering that Alex's apartment was situated in the middle of downtown. The noise helped her sleep. _

_"You are in danger." Alex groaned and stood up from her former position on the floor. She supposed she should be more distressed, but she had been awoken a few times in the past months because she was 'in danger.' She had come to realize that if she was in real imminent danger, Hammond would regress to monosyllables and effectively shove her to safety. The fact that she was being allowed to get her bearings said otherwise. Alex wandered to the closet to grab her shoes, knowing that she wouldn't be allowed to change before they fled to the closest safe house. _

_"Who is it now? Another Russian hit man…perhaps another Texan?" When escaping the threat of hit men became mundane, one really needs to step back and take a hard look at his or her life. _

_"No." Alex turned from quest to find a pair of matching shoes to look at Agent Hammond. He towered over her from her current kneeling position,_

_"Who then?" She had no time to react to the butt of the gun coming down onto her head. As she fell limp to the ground she heard the response through the impending darkness,_

_"Me." _


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Sorry for the wait. I had the ACT and a whole lot of other crap going on. But here it is better late than never!**

**gravitygirl143****: hmm…you'll see.**

**AnaDry****: I just had to throw in a jab about Casey's wardrobe. :)**

**ACertainJustice****: More freaky flash backs on the way :)**

**Little People****: He didn't want her dead…he is in love with her…can you blame him? lol**

**kristattoo****: Impressed? Hardly but thanks.**

**liv-it-up-love****: I'll try, and I am glad I wasn't the only one disturbed by Agent Hammond.**

**ElizabethlovesJack****: I am known for evil cliffhangers, sorry in advance for the next one ;) **

Olivia was fuming; Alex could see it in her face, in her posture. There was a dark look in her eyes that she hated to see, even if it was directed at the man who had landed her in a mental institution. Alex's hands were fidgeting in her lap as she watched Liv process the new information. She knew it was hard, but she didn't know how much time they had.

"Liv?" Olivia's voice was an eerie calm which frightened Alex far more than anger or harsh words ever could,

"What did he do to you?" Alex knew that this was coming. Liv worked in the Special Victims Unit; she had grown accustomed to suspecting the worst. Alex only wished she could tell her otherwise.

"At first nothing." Alex saw the skepticism in her eyes and had to look away, "At first anyway. I don't know where he took me. All I know is that no one could hear my screams, either that or they didn't care." Liv let out a chocked breath and knelt on the floor. Taking Alex's hands in her own she silently comforted her to continue.

"He wanted my love, not my body. At first I was grateful for that. I mean, I worked for SVU, I saw horrible crimes. He was very gentle, too gentle. After the first few days-not sure exactly how long-he became agitated. He was upset that I was 'denying our love.' I told him I loved another; I even told him I was gay. Nothing. He asked why I spouted such lies, whether I did it to hurt him. After about a week he beat me. He apologized and sobbed the whole time, but he said that he had to get through to me. Then he tried withholding my water and food. Suffice it to say it didn't work." Alex looked up for a second and was overwhelmed by the pride and horrour on Liv's face. It became too much and Alex returned her gaze to their joined hands.

"He did find a weakness however; a few days after these failed attempts, he brought in a little girl. She was so scared. She was about five with long brown pigtails and big green eyes."

"Pigtails." Alex's eyes shot up,

"What?" Olivia hadn't been aware that she had said it out loud.

"When you woke up from nightmares, one of the few words I could make out was pigtails." Alex nodded and her voice cracked as she tried to continue,

"She looked at me as if I was her savior. Her face was dirty and smeared with tears. He said that I had to choose. I had to admit my love for him, or watch her die. Now that alone I could do, but there was more. I had to renounce my love for you. He had heard me call out to you when I…was being beaten. I had thrown you in his face as a reason I couldn't possibly love him…I had to renounce you."

_"All you have to do is say you love me and not that detective whore you go on about, and she lives. It's that easy." Alex looked at the little girl curled in a fetal position on the other side of the room. She was so small. She hadn't done anything, but her love for Liv was what had kept her alive on the lonely nights. If she renounced it, what would she have left? _

_"Agent Hammond, you aren't a murderer. I could never love a murderer." He laughed patronizingly and pulled out a gun,_

_"You're right. If you love me she doesn't die, if you don't she does. You decide what I become." Alex was now close to tears. He wanted her to give up all she had left, her love for Liv. Without it life didn't matter, but she knew what she had to do. Agent Hammond grew impatient and shot off a bullet a few feet from where the child lied. _

_"I love you…and I don't love Olivia." A twisted smile crept onto his face like a spider,_

_"See that wasn't too difficult my love. Now she gets to live, but she will stay in the other room until we consecrate our relationship." Alex's eyes widened in fear,_

_"You never said…" _

_"I have to be sure you aren't lying don't I?" _

Alex left out the details of what followed. Liv had plenty of experience to fill in the rest on her own. Alex was surprised to feel their hands becoming moist. Liv was crying. She wasn't making a sound, but tears streamed freely down her face,

"You were raped." Alex let out a quiet sigh,

"Yes Liv, I was."

"How did you escape?" Alex smiled bitterly,

"Apparently threatening a child and raping someone is very tiring; the stupid bastard fell asleep on me." Liv was slightly taken aback by the crass words,

"And that is when you were found?"

"They found me torn and mumbling by a highway." Something loomed in between them. Alex said it first,

"I know I didn't report him; I didn't say anything. We always tell victims to come forward and then I become a hypocrite and…" Liv's finger to her lips silenced the rest. Olivia's head was shaking slowly back and forth, a soft loving look in her eyes.

"We never blame the victims. I love you. You were hurt and alone. You closed down just to survive, and you did. You got away." Alex shook her head,

"No I didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw him in the court room today." The door flew open and Olivia automatically reached for her gun. Frank stormed in and ran towards the television,

"You guys HAVE to see this!" The local news flicked on and Alex's building came into view. A blond reporter stood a good 100 yards from the door,

"The man, now reported to be an ex DEA agent, is holding those in the building hostage. It is said that he is wearing a bomb. His sole demand at this time is to speak to one Alexandra Cabot. She is an ADA who works in the building. Officials have yet to get in touch with her…"

The phone began to ring. Liv got up to answer it, her eyes still glued to the screen,

"Yes?" She turned and looked at Alex,

"It's for you."


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: I just wanted everyone to know that after this chapter there will be just one more and then the epilogue. I am amazed. I cannot believe my story is drawing to a close. So review people! After this there are only two more chances. And thank you to everyone. You are the reason I keep writing.**

**gigi**

**ACertainJustice****: I am:)**

**liv-it-up-love****: Sorry…I cannot help it; I am a cliffhanger whore ;) lol**

**ShadowCub****: I try and explain her actions a little. I hope it works for you.**

**Little People****: I know…I do it in all of my stories. I cannot stop myself. ;) **

The drive to the courthouse passed slower than the breathing time for a good wine and yet Alex felt as if she was on a roller coaster ride. A mass jumble of emotions was whirling in her like the mood swings of a pregnant woman. Liv kept quiet…thankfully.

She couldn't believe it, and yet it was as if she had been just waiting for it to happen. Those nightmares, that feeling of a pair of eyes, they haunted her…they never allowed her to move on and just be happy with Liv and her old life. Maybe it was because it wasn't her old life. She had been changed. The old Alexandra Cabot would never have kept quiet about the man who had raped and kidnapped her. The strong stubborn ADA would have pointed a well-manicured finger at him and sent him to jail. But she had lost her life, her job, her name, her love…all that remained was a weak shell.

Then after she was broken, everything was returned to her. She got it all back, and yet the new Alex remained. She still said nothing. She went about hypocritically instructing victims to talk about their worst nightmares and to point their fingers at the perpetrators. She was sick of it. It was time she became herself again, even if it meant taking on Hammond. Even if she had to walk straight into that courthouse and rip the bomb off of him with her bare hands. She would end it.

As her car door opened she was bombarded with lights, cameras and a multitude of microphones which flew in her face.

"Ms. Cabot?"

"ADA Cabot?"

"Assistant District Attorney Cabot?"

They all wanted answers, but she was in no condition to provide them. A police captain in which she wasn't familiar with came and brought her out of the pack of journalist dogs.

"I am glad you came. It seems you are the only one he is willing to talk to." Alex looked towards the building. She was used to seeing a constant flow of people streaming in and out. It was a haven to her, and now it was silent. The stone steps seemed for the first time…menacing.

"I have to go in." The officer in whom she had made no inquiry as to the name spoke adamantly,

"No way. I am not going to send in an ADA to a bomb strapped maniac to be blown to bits on live television." Alex could feel a buried part of her beginning to awaken,

"I am going in there. I am the only one he will listen to. He has some strange obsession with me and I **will** talk to him. If you are willing to have your officers stop me by force on live television then that is your choice. Although I am not sure how that would look in the press either." With a pointed look-which to her secret glee made the experienced captain cringe- Alex took a firm step towards the long stone steps. She was stopped by the captain's hand,

"At least put on a vest." Alex looked down at the vest in distain,

"What good will a vest due against a bomb?"

"For me?" Alex looked over at Olivia in surprise; she had forgotten she was there. Liv was standing a few feet away. Her face was soft but her eyes were resigned.

"Fine. For you." Olivia embraced Alex in a chaste kiss. It was short and yet they seemed to pour everything into it. Alex could taste the fear; she could smell the anxiety. When they broke apart Liv grabbed onto Alex's hands,

"I am coming in with you." Alex shook her head stubbornly,

"No way, he'll hate you. He'll see you as competition. He'll kill you." Liv shook her head, trying to shake away Alex's words,

"What if he kills you?" Alex smiled sadly,

"He won't. He thinks he loves me." The noise of the journalists was forgotten, even the captain had stepped away to let the two women talk things through. Liv looked around frantically and finally back to the soothing blue of Alex's eyes,

"You are wearing a wire."

"Liivvv." Olivia pulled down on Alex's face and devoured her mouth passionately. Biting down on Alex's bottom lip, she stopped, but she kept her hands firmly on either side of Alex's face.

"Don't you understand that I cannot go without knowing? I just got you back. You've already died on me once. I CANNOT LOSE YOU!" Tears began to stream down her face as she stoked Alex's now wet cheeks,

"You're my everything. Can't you see that? And now you want to go in and face the man that turned you into a mumbling zombie? I saw you in that psyche ward. It tore me apart. Your eyes… empty. Even if you survive this…you might not come back you."

Alex desperately tried to stop the tears, but to no avail. She ran her hands though Olivia's brown hair and let them rest tenderly at the base of her neck.

"Liv. That's just it. I have to go in order to come back me." Liv smiled sorrowfully,

"I love you." Alex detangled herself from Olivia's embrace and picked up the vest,

"I love you too." Five minutes later the wire and vest were on, and she began her ascent up the stone steps.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: Alright all that is left is the epilogue…please review because after this chapter I won't be able to respond to your reviews…because I'll be done…I cannot believe it. Wow. Anyway. Read Review and Enjoy!**

**gigi**

**AnaDry****: You are about to find out and thanks:)**

**liv-it-up-love****: I am glad you enjoyed it, I was afraid people would think it was too cheesy.**

**Little People****: ominous music Are you ready to find out?" ;)**

**ElizabethlovesJack****: I hope you had a great vacation and I didn't make you wait long now did I? Not to mention I didn't end it on a cliffhanger:)**

The walk up those stone steps had never been so quiet or so unsettling. Alex felt as if she was twenty pounds heavier due to the wire and vest, but it was for Liv. She figured if she could give Olivia some false sense of security…she would, because there really was none. There was no telling if she would walk out of the courthouse alive. Alex turned back to the street as she reached the doors. Liv was watching. Their eyes met for a brief minute and Alex watched as Olivia's eyes widened painfully. Alex's message had been conveyed, goodbye.

Upon entering the building Alex found that she was still alone. The lavish entrance to the "halls of justice" was barren and silent. Alex walked around the metal detectors and strained for any sounds. She heard one,

"Look if you give in now, I could defend you. You might be able to get off. We could say you are mentally disturbed and send you to a nice comfortable ward upstate." Alex knew that sniveling voice anywhere, Langdon. She wondered momentarily if she had to save him as well. Maybe if she waited Hammond would shoot the slimy bastard. Alex shook the thought away; no she would have to save him too.

Walking towards the groveling defense attorney's voice, Alex found a terrifying sight. The courtroom was filled with people. All of her colleagues, her friends, her enemies, they were all gathered together to watch her face her biggest fear. She could see Branch, Donnelly, Casey, Serena, McCoy, Langdon, Petrovsky, and more. Alex's eyes darted down to see if she was naked- she wasn't-this was no dream.

"My dear I am so glad you have come." Casey and Serena were about 10 feet away from Hammond. Their hands were clasped firmly together; Alex's heart went out to them…none of them deserved to suffer because of her.

"Let them go Hammond." Hammond shook his head with a eerily smile on his face and pulled out a gun,

"I am afraid I cannot do that. You see I know you sweetie. You are unafraid of dying, but you do not wish for them to die. Am I right?" His gun cocked and swung towards Serena's head. Alex stepped forward and outstretched a hand,

"Stop!" Hammond smiled congenially but did not remove the gun from the side of Serena's skull. Serena was shaking violently but kept incredibly silent. Casey continued to stroke Serena's hand. Alex knew that Serena had been held by gunpoint before, a small comfort. Alex watched the couple for a moment, almost regretting not allowing Liv to come with her…almost.

"This is ridiculous. Do you really think you can hold up the courthouse indefinitely?" The gun swung around and fired. Alex's eyes scanned the familiar faces for the one who had spoken…the one she hoped hadn't been hit, but he had. McCoy was holding his side and wincing. Alex began to feel her world collapsing, the bloodbath had begun.

"Please let them go. Jack needs medical attention." Hammond snarled and pointed his gun back at McCoy,

"Jack? You fucking him behind my back too?" Admittedly it wasn't an out-of-order question. Jack had slept with so many of his ADA's that they had started assigning him lesbians.

"No I am not sleeping with Jack. Will you please let _him_ go at least?" Hammond's eyes narrowed momentarily but then he began to grin maniacally,

"Fine he can go. Let's see him walk it." Jack struggled to get up and Branch tried to help him,

"NO ONE HELP HIM UNLESS THEY WANT TO BE SHOT AS WELL!" The scream echoed throughout the old building. Branch sighed and sat back down. They all watched with heavy hearts as Jack slowly made his way to the door. Alex tried to avoid looking at the trail of blood as Jack glided past her. Jack stopped momentarily and mumbled under his breath,

"There is an emergency gun. It is under the prosecutor's desk." Alex chose to ignore the total illegality of the notion and nodded. Jack gave her a half smile of support and made his way out the door. Alex was a good twenty feet away from the prosecutor's desk, and Hammond was leaning against it. Alex knew what she had to do; she had to talk,

"You have me here, what now?" Hammond looked around at the cold faces of the law and back at Alex.

"You looked for her." Alex paled. She hadn't expected that; she didn't want to talk about that.

"Every door had been broken down when I awoke. You must have looked for hours. You scoured the place for little pigtails didn't you? But you didn't find her did you?" His voice was mocking her, antagonizing her….he knew she never found the girl.

"You killed her. You used her to get to me and then you broke your word and killed her." Alex felt the tears threatening to escape but she didn't care. She had been raped and had renounced her love for Liv in order to save that little girl. For nothing…all for nothing! Hammond nodded,

"I had to my dear. What was I supposed to do with her?" Alex took a few steps towards him and spit at his feet,

"You said I could stop you from being a murderer. You are a murderer. I told you I could never love a murderer…so why are you here? You sealed your own fate." Alex decided to leave out the fact that she would have despised him regardless. She would play with his logic. She was only a few feet away from him now. She was close.

Hammond shook his head in denial,

"No you love me. You said you loved me!" Hammond's attention was now solely on her. Alex sought out Serena's eyes. She darted her eyes back and forth towards the table. Serena looked at her in confusion. The gun was now aimed a good few feet about Serena's head.

"You said you didn't love that whore of a detective and yet you are sharing an apartment with her!" Alex groaned, if there was any ounce of privacy in her personal life it was now gone. She tried to alert Novak instead. She was met with the same look of confusion. She gestured a gun with her hand at her side and pointed discretely at the table. Nothing. She noticed movement out of the corner of her eye; Petrovsky was slowly crawling towards the two blond lawyers on the floor.

Alex had tuned out Hammond's rambling and now focused on the slightly comical sight of Petrovsky crawling in her robe. She could hear her whisper to the pair,

"My god and you wonder why I am harsh with you two. Cabot is trying to say that there is a gun under the prosecutor's table. A fact that will be investigated later I guarantee you." Petrovsky turned her glare at Alex. Alex rolled her eyes, even when she was trying to save everyone's lives she was still on the woman's bad side. Serena's eyes widened in understanding and she started inching her way towards the table. Unluckily, Hammond's rant was drawing to a close,

"You are mine." Alex found herself snorting,

"What are you two?" She felt herself swell with pride. That was something the old Alexandra Cabot would say. Hammond stamped his foot and looked behind him. He saw Serena's movement and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her to her feet and jamming the gun under her chin,

"Why do you have to be so unreasonable?" Branch chuckled,

"She's a lawyer, hell she's a woman. What else would you expect?" Hammond's eyes began darting around nervously. His captives were beginning to lose fear. Serena had even stopped trembling. Everyone had lost that scared look in their eyes. So what if he was strapped with a bomb and holding an ADA with a gun. They were lawyers, and judges, they were used to seeing gruesome crimes and heartless criminals. One lovesick nut wasn't going to scare them any longer.

They all had begun to see the attempts of Serena to reach the table, and now Casey's quest. They all began to speak. They were working together to distract him. It didn't matter that in the courtroom it was the prosecutors versus the defense attorneys and the lawyers against the judges. Here in this room they were all on the same team. It was a strange unity. They all had one goal, to live.

"Are you really doing all of this for her. I mean she is fine and all, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea." Donnelly's voice drew Hammond's gaze. Alex paused slightly at her boss referring to her as fine. It was slightly disturbing. Hammond's hand under Serena's chin was shaking. He didn't like this uprising.

"Man I have been on a date with the woman. She might be hot but she doesn't put out." Alex glared. Langdon, it seemed was always a prick. Casey was almost there. Serena even spoke out, although to Langdon not Hammond,

"She didn't put out because she only went out with you to get her mind off of Olivia you slimy asshole." Landon huffed indignantly. Another gun cocked. Hammond spun around and found a very angry Casey Novak aiming a gun at his head,

"I wouldn't do that if you want your girlfriend to live. I was a DEA agent I know as well as you that there is a good chance my hand will clutch the trigger as a reaction to being shot." Casey looked on in indecision. Alex couldn't blame the woman. She would be doing the same thing if Olivia was the one being held. Olivia! Alex had neglected to turn on the piece so that she could hear them. She hadn't wanted distraction. She discreetly flipped the switch and heard Liv's beautiful voice in her ear,

"About fucking time you turned it on! Kick him!" Alex felt like an idiot. She was standing watching the stand off instead of doing something. But kick him? Liv apparently could hear her hesitation,

"Remember the move I taught you?" Alex smiled at a memory and Liv spoke again,

"Not that one gutter-brain. The kick I taught you." Alex did remember. Liv had taught her a number of moves in order to protect herself. Her leg swung out and she delighted in the howl as her stiletto came in contact with his calf. Hammond collapsed to the ground and his gun went flying. His hands darted towards the switch of the bomb, but were stopped by Novak's gun and voice,

"I will shoot you in the balls asshole; I'm sure it is a hell of a lot worse than that bomb death. And believe me; I'd shoot you before you ever reached the switch." Hammond's hands eventually rested at his side and Novak kicked him in the ribs,

"Don't you ever touch my girlfriend again." Serena came up behind Casey wrapped her arms around the woman's waist,

"It's okay. I'm fine." Alex also gave him a sharp jab in the ribs with her foot. He cried out in pain,

"Are you seeing this abuse?" Everyone in the courtroom looked around at each other. Petrovsky was the first to speak up,

"I don't see anything." Alex smiled and let out a sigh. It was finally over. She was free.


	28. AN

I cannot figure out the epilogue. I don't know how to close it; I have written 27 chapters! I know that I need an epilogue to finish it but I am struggling. Any suggestions? PLEASE! Otherwise I might just end it with Chapter 27. There is no point writing an epilogue if it is going to be horrible.

gigi


	29. Epilogue

**AN: This is it…it was really hard to switch it to complete…it is over. Wow. When this story started I had no idea how long and epic it was going to become. I just wanted to thank all of those who have reviewed and also those who read my story but didn't review. Thank you all! For the last time…Read Enjoy and Review.**

**Gigi **

**Little People****: Thank you and you will find that almost all my stories have a happy ending; I am a sap like that. I am pleased you enjoyed my little story…ok not so little…but thanks for helping with the epilogue. :)**

**liv-it-up-love****: I wanted to incorporate all of the characters we have grown to love and hate for the climax. I know, I feel the same way about the ending. Thanks for helping with the epilogue! **

**AnaDry****: I love happy endings! Thank you for all of your reviews, you have been with me from the beginning and it means a lot.**

**ACertainJustice****: You have to love dirty! ;). I just wanted to thank you for all of your support; you have been there from the beginning. **

**Lysser24****: Thanks for the help! And thank you for reviewing new reviewer:)**

**ElizabethlovesJack****: Thanks! Your support means a lot to me :)**

**ShadowCub****: You are right; there are not enough A/O stories, but I plan on writing plenty more so keep your eyes open ;)**

Olivia didn't want to get up. The soft bed kept her rooted and her thoughts kept her distracted. Her life had changed so dramatically in the last year. When she returned from her undercover operation she was fed up. She was sick of it all. She was tired of going through each day as a zombie…empty. She was sick of seeing the victims and coming home to silence.

Then she learned that her love was finally able to come home. She flew across the country and found Alex broken in a psyche ward.

She spent a month nursing Alex back to some semblance of her old self. Upon returning to New York everything fell apart. That damn detective Beck almost ruined everything. Elliot was shot…later they found out that it was Hammond's doing.

Liv rolled over to avoid the glare of the rising sun through the shades. She didn't want to face the morning. She just wanted to lie there forever. The silk slid pleasurably across her bare skin.

Hammond was serving life in Rikers. He confessed to everything under the condition that Alex was the one to prosecute him. She did. She verbally castrated him and made sure he would never be free again. Now they were free.

Frank was back in Tacoma, but he called often and was planning on stopping by sometime during the summer. He said it was because of all the numbers he had gathered while he was there, but they knew he missed them.

A mass of blond locks obstructed Liv's vision, followed shortly by a soft thunk of a head on her shoulder.

"Mmmff." Olivia pulled the woman to her and let out a sigh as their legs intertwined perfectly amid the silk. A warm breath gently blew her now short hair to and thro. Alex had demanded that she cut it short again. She said that nothing should get in the way of Liv's "beautiful face," but Olivia suspected it was because Alex preferred to be the femme.

Dark lashes began to flicker; this was Liv's favourite part. Warm blue eyes slowly opened, accompanied a few seconds later by a tender sleepy smile,

"Morn…ing." A yawn prevented the greeting from being coherent. Liv always marveled at the few moments upon awakening when Alex was inarticulate. She placed a kiss to the blonde's temple and drew her even closer,

"Morning." There were hardly any nightmares anymore. Alex had found that she didn't have nightmares after sex. To put it simply, Liv was almost always sore in the morning. Even Elliot had started teasing her when he noticed a few of Alex's "gifts." She was almost always covered. Not that she was complaining. Olivia was pretty sure that Alex didn't need the sex to prevent the nightmares anymore, but she was keeping quiet.

"I want this." The haze was departing from Alex's eyes as she looked at the detective quizzically,

"You have this." Liv shook her head, to Alex's dismay as her head was bounced back and forth,

"No I want this forever. I want to wake up with you in my arms and watch your eyes light up when they see me each morning. I want to always lie here so long that we "have to" share a shower to get to work on time. I want to come home knowing you will make it all go away. I always want to feel this wanted and loved. I want…" Alex smiled and put her finger to silence Olivia's ramblings,

"A home." Liv nodded,

"You are my home." Alex lavished Olivia in an amorous and leisurely kiss,

"And you're mine." The two continued to lie there in serenity until life finally forced them to rise, but they were comforted to know…that when they fell…they would fall together.


	30. Going Back

Ok. I'm quite pleased with your responses. I'm glad that people still care about the story. I should have the first chapter of it up within the week.

I wanted to tell you guys the title and the brief outline so that I don't leave you hanging.

The sequel is going to be called "Going Back." In order to stop a serial rapist, Alex must go back to the Psychiatric ward she was locked up in and befriend one of the patients, his first victim. The catch- she only talks to other patients. Alex must remember the pain of her stay in order to fake insanity and become a patient once again. With only the Cragen, the Ward's administrator and Olivia knowing the truth, will Alex succeed or will reality become a blur returning her to madness?


End file.
